Menyusui sudah seperti kegiatan rutin saya dan Fabian khususnya di malam hari. Tidak terbayang sebelumnya bagaimana caranya saya bisa melepas keakraban dan intimasi yang kita bangun selama menyusui ini. Di satu sisi, dia sudah berumur 30 bulan, alias 2.5 tahun. Sepertinya peran ASI pun tidak lagi terlalu penting bagi perkembangannya, baik dari hal nutrisi maupun kenyamanan (secure feeling).

Pertama saya dan suami memutuskan untuk menyapihnya pada saat dia berumur 2 tahun persis. Tapi entah kenapa setelah ulang tahunnya berlalu, saya masih  belum merasa siap. Sampai akhirnya ditetapkan di tanggal 19 Nov 2009, menjadi tanggal penyapihan bagi Fabian.

Tanggal tersebut, saya mengikuti corporate gathering di Bali selama 3 hari 2 malam. Sepertinya memang ini adalah momentum yang tepat untuk memulai usaha menyapih saya. Sebelumnya dia tidak pernah terpisah dengan saya pada malam hari. Terus terang saya pun sebenarnya tidak dapat menikmati perjalanan ke Bali tersebut, sepertinya ada yang kurang dalam diri saya karena untuk pertama kalinya tidur dimalam hari tanpa Fabian.

Kebetulan saya bekerja, jadi pada saat saya pergi, dia tidak ada masalah, karena sudah terbiasa berdua dengan susternya di rumah. Tapi ketika malam hari, biasanya dia selalu tertidur ketika sedang disusui. Nah, di hari pertama kepergian saya, dia tidur kira-kira jam setengah satu. Itupun dengan beberapa tangisan dan rengekan ingin menyusu. Tapi dari waktu tersebut, dia dapat tertidur lelap sampai pagi hari. Di malam kedua, dia pun tertidur dengan babysitter saya di kurang lebih jam 12 malam.

Nah setelah saya pulang, di malam harinya dia dengan semangat meminta ‘nenen’. Sebelumnya saya sudah bilang,.. “kok minta nenen fab, kan sudah besar. Nenen mama sudah pahit.” Lalu sesaat sebelum dia menyusu, saya mengoleskan minyak kayu putih terlebih dahulu. Saya ingat sekali raut mukanya yang kebingungan sambil menjilat-jilat bibirnya. Saya bilang “tuh kan pahit ya?” Fabian berkata “iya, pahit”.

Dari sejak itu, dia tidak pernah memaksa lagi untuk meminta ASI. Tapi memang di awal-awal, dia agak linglung pada saat mau bobo. Di minggu pertama, dia minta di pangku, sampai pada akhirnya dia tertidur lelap. Di minggu selanjutnya, saya hanya menemaninya tiduran di kasur sambil mengobrol, sampai pada akhirnya dia tertidur sendiri.

Saya merasa lega sekali, ternyata menyapih tidak seseram yang saya bayangkan. Fabian masih dapat beraktifitas dengan normal, dia tidak memberikan protest yang ekstrim dan tetap bisa bobo di malam hari.

Menyapih bukanlah hal yang mudah bagi saya. Terus terang, beberapa kali saya merasa ragu dan ingin mengurungkan niat saya untuk menyapih. Tapi semua ada waktunya. Begitu pula dengan menyusui. Inginnya sih anaknya sendiri yang secara sadar tidak mau nenen lagi. Tapi sepertinya hal ini tidak bisa terjadi antara saya dan Fabian, karena kita berdua sangat menikmati saat-saat tersebut.

Berikut beberapa hal yang saya bisa bagi utk ibu/mama diluar sana yang sedang memikirkan untuk menyapih anaknya.

Hal pertama yang harus dikuatkan adalah keyakinan mama. Kalau sudah sekali memutuskan untuk menyapih, tidak boleh berbalik lagi, dan mulai memberikan pada saat-saat anak merengek. Tekad mama harus sudah bulat (biasanya perasaaan ibu akan mengatakan bahwa dia sudah siap atau belum). Bila tidak konsisten, maka anak akan bingung dan mengira bahwa ada saat mamanya tidak mau kasih, tapi ada saat mamanya mau kasih..

Hal lainnya yang sangat penting dilakukan adalah memberi pengertian kepada Fabian bahwa dia sudah besar, dan tidak perlu lagi minum ASI seperti pada dede baby. Dari dia berumur 2 tahun, saya suka mengatakan kepadanya pada saat menyusuinya, “mama sayang Fabian. Walaupun nanti Fabian sudah tidak nenen lagi, mama tetap sayang Fabian. Kalau fabian mau dipeluk seperti sekarang, Fabian bisa bilang sama mama.”

Lalu saya dan suami juga secara konsisten mengatakan bahwa, bila Fabian sudah tidak nenen lagi, akan dibelikan sepeda seperti punya koko yang dia lihat di dekat rumah. Sepertinya keinginannya untuk memiliki sepeda cukup besar, sehingga dapat mengalahkan keinginannya untuk kembali mendapatkan kenyamanan pada saat disusui.

Saya mendapat artikel yang sangat menarik mengenai parenting. Kalau dilihat-lihat, ada tipe  orang tua yang sangat cuek dengan anaknya, tapi ada pula yang sangat overprotective.

Setelah baca artikelnya, jadi teringat, saya pernah beli semacam kid leash waktu anak baru bisa jalan (abis dia ga bisa diam..jadi kalau jalan2 suka jatuh kemana2) tapi akhirnya ga pernah dipake juga..ga tega liatnya kok sama seperti doggy.. dan ternyata dia ga masalah walau sering banget benjol di kepala gara2 jatuh..

Lucunya, semakin saya banyak baca buku parenting, semakin saya yakin bahwa tidak ada panduan ideal utk jadi orang tua. Akhirnya balik lagi ke intuisi orang tua. Apapun yang dipelajari, bila anak enjoy, maka dia akan belajar dengan baik.

Kalau lihat banyak sekali mainan dan alat utk memacu perkembangan anak – saya jadi mikir, sebenernya kemajuan di dunia parenting atau hanya over obsess parent yang dulu punya keinginan bisa sesuatu tapi ga kesampaian, sampe2 anaknya dijejali dengan berbagai macam alat.

Tapi balik lagi.. karena banyak orang tua lain melakukan hal itu, kadang kita jadi kebawa dan ikut-ikutan juga… artikel ini jadi semacam pengingat, selamat membaca

The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting

By Nancy Gibbs

The insanity crept up on us slowly; we just wanted what was best for our kids. We bought macrobiotic cupcakes and hypoallergenic socks, hired tutors to correct a 5-year-old’s “pencil-holding deficiency,” hooked up broadband connections in the treehouse but took down the swing set after the second skinned knee. We hovered over every school, playground and practice field — “helicopter parents,” teachers christened us, a phenomenon that spread to parents of all ages, races and regions. Stores began marketing stove-knob covers and “Kinderkords” (also known as leashes; they allow “three full feet of freedom for both you and your child”) and Baby Kneepads (as if babies don’t come prepadded). The mayor of a Connecticut town agreed to chop down three hickory trees on one block after a woman worried that a stray nut might drop into her new swimming pool, where her nut-allergic grandson occasionally swam. A Texas school required parents wanting to help with the second-grade holiday party to have a background check first. Schools auctioned off the right to cut the carpool line and drop a child directly in front of the building — a spot that in other settings is known as handicapped parking.

We were so obsessed with our kids’ success that parenting turned into a form of product development. Parents demanded that nursery schools offer Mandarin, since it’s never too soon to prepare for the competition of a global economy. High school teachers received irate text messages from parents protesting an exam grade before class was even over; college deans described freshmen as “crispies,” who arrived at college already burned out, and “teacups,” who seemed ready to break at the tiniest stress.

This is what parenting had come to look like at the dawn of the 21st century — just one more extravagance, the Bubble Wrap waiting to burst.

All great rebellions are born of private acts of civil disobedience that inspire rebel bands to plot together. And so there is now a new revolution under way, one aimed at rolling back the almost comical overprotectiveness and overinvestment of moms and dads. The insurgency goes by many names — slow parenting, simplicity parenting, free-range parenting — but the message is the same: Less is more; hovering is dangerous; failure is fruitful. You really want your children to succeed? Learn when to leave them alone. When you lighten up, they’ll fly higher. We’re often the ones who hold them down.

A backlash against overparenting had been building for years, but now it reflects a new reality. Since the onset of the Great Recession, according to a CBS News poll, a third of parents have cut their kids’ extracurricular activities. They downsized, downshifted and simplified because they had to — and often found, much to their surprise, that they liked it. When a TIME poll last spring asked how the recession had affected people’s relationships with their kids, nearly four times as many people said relationships had gotten better as said they’d gotten worse. “This is one of those moments when everything is on the table, up for grabs,” says Carl Honoré, whose book Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting is a gospel of the slow-parenting movement. He likens the sudden awareness to the feeling you get when you wake up after a long night carousing, the lights go on, and you realize you’re a mess. “That horrible moment of self-recognition is where we are culturally. I wanted parents to realize they are not alone in thinking this is insanity, and show there’s another way.”

How We Got Here
Overparenting had been around long before Douglas MacArthur’s mom Pinky moved with him to West Point in 1899 and took an apartment near the campus, supposedly so she could watch him with a telescope to be sure he was studying. But in the 1990s something dramatic happened, and the needle went way past the red line. From peace and prosperity, there arose fear and anxiety; crime went down, yet parents stopped letting kids out of their sight; the percentage of kids walking or biking to school dropped from 41% in 1969 to 13% in 2001. Death by injury has dropped more than 50% since 1980, yet parents lobbied to take the jungle gyms out of playgrounds, and strollers suddenly needed the warning label “Remove Child Before Folding.” Among 6-to-8-year-olds, free playtime dropped 25% from 1981 to ‘97, and homework more than doubled. Bookstores offered Brain Foods for Kids: Over 100 Recipes to Boost Your Child’s Intelligence. The state of Georgia sent every newborn home with the CD Build Your Baby’s Brain Through the Power of Music, after researchers claimed to have discovered that listening to Mozart could temporarily help raise IQ scores by as many as 9 points. By the time the frenzy had reached its peak, colleges were installing “Hi, Mom!” webcams in common areas, and employers like Ernst & Young were creating “parent packs” for recruits to give Mom and Dad, since they were involved in negotiating salary and benefits.

Once obsessing about kids’ safety and success became the norm, a kind of orthodoxy took hold, and heaven help the heretics — the ones who were brave enough to let their kids venture outside without Secret Service protection. Just ask Lenore Skenazy, who to this day, when you Google “America’s Worst Mom,” fills the first few pages of results — all because one day last year she let her 9-year-old son ride the New York City subway alone. A newspaper column she wrote about it somehow ignited a global firestorm over what constitutes reasonable risk. She had reporters calling from China, Israel, Australia, Malta. (“Malta! An island!” she marvels. “Who’s stalking the kids there? Pirates?”) Skenazy decided to fight back, arguing that we have lost our ability to assess risk. By worrying about the wrong things, we do actual damage to our children, raising them to be anxious and unadventurous or, as she puts it, “hothouse, mama-tied, danger-hallucinating joy extinguishers.”

Skenazy, a Yale-educated mom who with her husband is raising two boys in New York City, had ingested all the same messages as the rest of us. Her sons’ school once held a pre-field-trip assembly explaining exactly how close to a hospital the children would be at all times. She confesses to being “at least part Sikorsky,” hiring a football coach for a son’s birthday and handing out mouth guards as party favors. But when the Today show had her on the air to discuss her subway decision, interviewer Ann Curry turned to the camera and asked, “Is she an enlightened mom or a really bad one?”

From that day and the food fight that followed, she launched her Free Range Kids blog, which eventually turned into her own Dangerous Book for Parents: Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry. There is no rational reason, she argues, that a generation of parents who grew up walking alone to school, riding mass transit, trick-or-treating, teeter-tottering and selling Girl Scout cookies door to door should be forbidding their kids to do the same. But somehow, she says, “10 is the new 2. We’re infantilizing our kids into incompetence.” She celebrates seat belts and car seats and bike helmets and all the rational advances in child safety. It’s the irrational responses that make her crazy, like when Dear Abby endorses the idea, as she did in August, that each morning before their kids leave the house, parents take a picture of them. That way, if they are kidnapped, the police will have a fresh photo showing what clothes they were wearing. Once the kids make it home safe and sound, you can delete the picture and take a new one the next morning.

That advice may seem perfectly sensible to parents bombarded by heartbreaking news stories about missing little girls and the predator next door. But too many parents, says Skenazy, have the math all wrong. Refusing to vaccinate your children, as millions now threaten to do in the case of the swine flu, is statistically reckless; on the other hand, there are no reports of a child ever being poisoned by a stranger handing out tainted Halloween candy, and the odds of being kidnapped and killed by a stranger are about 1 in 1.5 million. When parents confront you with “How can you let him go to the store alone?,” she suggests countering with “How can you let him visit your relatives?” (Some 80% of kids who are molested are victims of friends or relatives.) Or ride in the car with you? (More than 430,000 kids were injured in motor vehicles last year.) “I’m not saying that there is no danger in the world or that we shouldn’t be prepared,” she says. “But there is good and bad luck and fate and things beyond our ability to change. The way kids learn to be resourceful is by having to use their resources.” Besides, she says with a smile, “a 100%-safe world is not only impossible. It’s nowhere you’d want to be.”

Dispatches from the Front Lines
Eleven parents are sitting in a circle in an airy, glass-walled living room in south Austin, Texas, eating organic, gluten-free, nondairy coconut ice cream. This is a Slow Family Living class, taught by perinatal psychologist Carrie Contey and Bernadette Noll. “Our whole culture,” says Contey, 38, “is geared around ‘Is your kid making the benchmarks?’ There’s this fear of ‘Is my kid’s head the right size?’ People think there’s some mythical Good Mother out there that they aren’t living up to and that it’s hurting their child. I just want to pull the plug on that.”

The parents seem relieved to hear it. Matt, a textbook editor, reports that he and his wife quit a book club because it caused too much stress on book-club nights, and stopped fussing about how the house looks, which brings nods all around the room: let go of perfectionism in all its tyranny. Margaret, a publishing executive, tells her own near-miss story of how she stepped back from the brink of insanity. On her son’s fourth birthday, she says, “I’m like ‘Oh, my God, he’s eligible for Suzuki!’ I literally got on the phone and called 12 Suzuki teachers,” she says, before realizing the nightmare she was creating for herself and her child. Shutting down your inner helicopter isn’t easy. “This is not a shift in perspective that occurs overnight,” Matt admits after class. “And it’s not every day that I consciously sit down and ask myself hard questions about how I want family life to be slower or better.”

Fear is a kind of parenting fungus: invisible, insidious, perfectly designed to decompose your peace of mind. Fear of physical danger is at least subject to rational argument; fear of failure is harder to hose down. What could be more natural than worrying that your child might be trampled by the great, scary, globally competitive world into which she will one day be launched? It is this fear that inspires parents to demand homework in preschool, produce the snazzy bilingual campaign video for the third-grader’s race for class rep, continue to provide the morning wake-up call long after he’s headed off to college.

Some of the hovering is driven by memory and demography. This generation of parents, born after 1964, waited longer to marry and had fewer children. Families are among the smallest in history, which means our genetic eggs are in fewer baskets and we guard them all the more zealously. Helicopter parents can be found across all income levels, all races and ethnicities, says Patricia Somers of the University of Texas at Austin, who spent more than a year studying the species at the college level. “There are even helicopter grandparents,” she notes, who turn up with their elementary-school grandchildren for college-information sessions aimed at juniors and seniors.

Nor is this phenomenon limited to ZIP codes where every Volvo wagon just has to have a University of Chicago sticker on it. “I’m having exactly the same conversations with coaches, teachers, parents, counselors, whether I’m in Wichita or northern Canada or South America,” says Honoré. His own revelation came while listening to the feedback about his son in kindergarten. It was fine, but nothing stellar — until he got to the art room and the teacher began raving about how creative his son was, pointing out his sketches that she’d displayed as models for other students. Then, Honoré recalls, “she dropped the G-bomb: ‘He’s a gifted artist,’ she told us, and it was one of those moments when you don’t hear anything else. I just saw the word gifted in neon with my son’s name …” So he hurried home and Googled the names of art tutors and eagerly told his son all about the special person who would help him draw even better. “He looks at me like I’m from outer space,” Honoré says. “‘I just wanna draw,’ he tells me. ‘Why do grownups have to take over everything?’ ”

“That was a searing epiphany,” Honoré concludes. “I didn’t like what I saw.” He now writes and lectures about the many fruits of slowing down, citing research that suggests the brain in its relaxed state is more creative, makes more nuanced connections and is ripe for eureka moments. “With children,” he argues, “they need that space not to be entertained or distracted. What boredom does is take away the noise … and leave them with space to think deeply, invent their own game, create their own distraction. It’s a useful trampoline for children to learn how to get by.”

Other studies reinforce the importance of play as an essential protein in a child’s emotional diet; were it not, argue some scientists, it would not have persisted across species and millenniums, perhaps as a way to practice for adulthood, to build leadership, sociability, flexibility, resilience — even as a means of literally shaping the brain and its pathways. Dr. Stuart Brown, a psychiatrist and the founder of the National Institute for Play — who has a treehouse above his office — recalls in a recent book how managers at Caltech’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) noticed the younger engineers lacked problem-solving skills, though they had top grades and test scores. Realizing the older engineers had more play experience as kids — they’d taken apart clocks, built stereos, made models — JPL eventually incorporated questions about job applicants’ play backgrounds into interviews. “If you look at what produces learning and memory and well-being” in life, Brown has argued, “play is as fundamental as any other aspect.” The American Academy of Pediatrics warns that the decrease in free playtime could carry health risks: “For some children, this hurried lifestyle is a source of stress and anxiety and may even contribute to depression.” Not to mention the epidemic of childhood obesity in a generation of kids who never just go out and play.

Remember, Mistakes Are Good
Many educators have been searching for ways to tell parents when to back off. It’s a tricky line to walk, since studies link parents’ engagement in a child’s education to better grades, higher test scores, less substance abuse and better college outcomes. Given a choice, teachers say, overinvolved parents are preferable to invisible ones. The challenge is helping parents know when they are crossing a line.

Every teacher can tell the story of a student who needed to fail in order to be reassured that the world wouldn’t come to an end. Yet teachers now face a climate in which parents ghostwrite students’ homework, airbrush their lab reports — then lobby like a K Street hired gun for their child to be assigned to certain classes. Principal Karen Faucher instituted a “no rescue” policy at Belinder Elementary in Prairie Village, Kans., when she noticed the front-office table covered each day with forgotten lunch boxes and notebooks, all brought in by parents. The tipping point was the day a mom rushed in with a necklace meant to complete her daughter’s coordinated outfit. “I’m lucky — I deal with intelligent parents here,” Faucher says. “But you saw very intelligent parents doing very stupid things. It was almost like a virus. The parents knew that was not what they intended to do, but they couldn’t help themselves.” A guidance counselor at a Washington prep school urges parents to find a mentor of a certain disposition. “Make friends with parents,” she advises, “who don’t think their kids are perfect.” Or with parents who are willing to exert some peer pressure of their own: when schools debate whether to drop recess to free up more test-prep time, parents need to let a school know if they think that’s a trade-off worth making.

A certain amount of hovering is understandable when it comes to young children, but many educators are concerned when it persists through middle school and high school. Some teachers talk of “Stealth Fighter Parents,” who no longer hover constantly but can be counted on for a surgical strike just when the high school musical is being cast or the starting lineup chosen. And senior year is the witching hour: “I think for a lot of parents, college admissions is like their grade report on how they did as a parent,” observes Madeleine Rhyneer, dean of students at Willamette University in Oregon. Many colleges have had to invent a “director of parent programs” to run regional groups so moms and dads can meet fellow college parents or attend special classes where they can learn all the school cheers. The Ithaca College website offers a checklist of advice: “Visit (but not too often)”; “Communicate (but not too often)”; “Don’t worry (too much)”; “Expect change”; “Trust them.”

Teresa Meyer, a former PTA president at Hickman High in Columbia, Mo., has just sent the youngest of her three daughters to college. “They made it very clear: You are not invited to the registration part where they’re requesting classes. That’s their job.” She’s come to appreciate the please-back-off vibe she’s encountered. “I hope that we’re getting away from the helicopter parenting,” Meyer says. “Our philosophy is ‘Give ‘em the morals, give ‘em the right start, but you’ve got to let them go.’ They deserve to live their own lives.”

What You Can Do
Among the most powerful weapons in the war against the helicopter brigade is the explosion of websites where parents can confide, confess and affirm their sense that lowering expectations is not the same as letting your children down. So you gave up trying to keep your 2-year-old from eating the dog’s food? You banged your son’s head on the doorway while giving him a piggyback ride? Your daughter hates school and is so scared of failure she won’t even try to ride a bike? “I just want to throw in the towel and give up on her,” one mom posts on Truuconfessions.com. “This is NOT what I thought I was signing up for.” Honestbaby.com sells baby T-shirts that say “I’ll walk when I’m good and ready.” Given how many books and websites drove a generation of parents mad with anxiety, a certain balance is restored to the universe when it becomes conventional for people to brag about what bad parents they are.

The revolutionary leaders are careful about offering too much advice. Parents have gotten plenty of that, and one of the goals of this new movement is to give parents permission to disagree or at least follow different roads. “People feel there’s somehow a secret formula for parenting, and if we just read enough books and spend enough money and drive ourselves hard enough, we’ll find it, and all will be O.K.,” Honoré observes. “Can you think of anything more sinister, since every child is so different, every family is different? Parents need to block out the sound and fury from the media and other parents, find that formula that fits your family best.”

Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting, teaches seminars on how to peel back the layers of cultural pressure that weigh down families. He and his coaches will even go into your home, weed out your kids’ stuff, sort out their schedule, turn off the screens and help your family find space you didn’t know you had, like a master closet reorganizer for the soul. But any parent can do it just as well. “We need to quit bombarding them with choices way before their ability to handle them,” Payne says. The average child has 150 toys. “When you cut the toys and clothes back … the kids really like it.” He aims for a cut of roughly 75%: he tosses out the broken toys and gives away the outgrown ones and the busy, noisy, blinking ones that do the playing for you. Pare down to the classics that leave the most to the child’s imagination and create a kind of toy library kids can visit and swap from. Then build breaks of calm into their schedule so they can actually enjoy the toys.

Finally, there is the gift of humility, which parents need to offer one another. We can fuss and fret and shuttle and shelter, but in the end, what we do may not matter as much as we think. Freakonomics authors Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt analyzed a Department of Education study tracking the progress of kids through fifth grade and found that things like how much parents read to their kids, how much TV kids watch and whether Mom works make little difference. “Frequent museum visits would seem to be no more productive than trips to the grocery store,” they argued in USA Today. “By the time most parents pick up a book on parenting technique, it’s too late. Many of the things that matter most were decided long ago — what kind of education a parent got, what kind of spouse he wound up with and how long they waited to have children.”

If you embrace this rather humbling reality, it will be easier to follow the advice D.H. Lawrence offered back in 1918: “How to begin to educate a child. First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone. Third rule: leave him alone. That is the whole beginning.”

Of course, that was easy for him to say. He had no kids.

— With reporting by Karen Ball / Kansas City, Mo.; Alexandra Silver / New York City; and Elizabeth Dias and Sophia Yan / Washington

Pernahkah terpikir apa pengaruh televisi terhadap hidup anda?  Pernahkah menghitung berapa lama waktu yang anda pakai untuk terdiam di depan TV, membiarkan mata anda bekerja begitu keras sampai terkadang lupa untuk berkedip?

Saya adalah pengemar televisi, pada saat kuliah dulu, televisi selalu siap menemani di kamar kos pada saat santai sampai pada saat belajar ataupun waktu tidur. Walau tidak selalu dilihat, tapi  suaranya memberikan kenyamanan sehingga dunia tidak terasa sepi.

Saya mengira bahwa televisi adalah sumber hiburan yang paling menarik ditambah dengan kemajuan dibidang entertainment termasuk kreativitas, cerita, sampai teknologi yang dipakai membuatnya menjadi jauh-jauh lebih baik..Tapi apa masalahnya?

Ketika Fabian masuk ke dalam hidup saya, televisi mulai hilang kepamorannya. Hari-hari menjadi begitu sibuk, banyak hal yang tidak saya ketahui mengenai merawat bayi. Televisi pun dikeluarkan dari kamar, hanya karena saya berpikir bahwa televisi akan mengganggu tidur bayi mungil yang masih membutuhkan banyak istirahat.

Lalu saya mulai membaca dan membaca..dan menemukan bahwa televisi, DVD  lebih memberi pengaruh buruk terhadap anak seperti yang saya post di …. Alhasil saya membatasi diri dalam hal menonton TV, agar Fabian juga tidak menonton TV.

Selanjutnya, saya juga merasa bahwa waktu terasa begitu berharga. Sulit sekali menemukan waktu untuk saya sendiri. Pagi hari sudah harus menyiapkan Fab, yang terkadang sulit sekali untuk diminta makan atau mandi. Lalu berangkat kerja, dan kembali kerumah sudah malam. Setelah berhasil menyelinap untuk mandi dan makan malam, waktunya untuk bersama fabian. Menemaninya bermain mobil-mobilan kesukaannya, sepak bola, basket atau sekedar berjalan-jalan di podium atau menonton barney kesukaannya untuk beberapa menit, sambil bernyanyi.  Sampai akhirnya dia tertidur di malam hari, saya pun sudah cukup lelah untuk melakukan hal lain.

Hal ini membuat saya dapat melihat masalah dengan televisi

Pertama adalah candu. Televisi adalah sesuatu yang “addictive”. Bila anda menemukan satu acara menarik, maka anda akan terlena sepanjang acara tersebut. Lalu bila acara tersebut adalah berseri, maka di waktu penanyangan selanjutnya anda akan siap sedia di depannya.  Atau bila itu adalah DVD, berapa banyak waktu yang pakai untuk melihat DVD tersebut.

Kalau dibandingkan dengan kegiatan lain seperti berolah raga, melatih otak, kegiatan seni atau sekedar membaca apakah anda pernah menghabiskan waktu sedemikian banyak? apakah proposi waktu yang diberikan untuk TV sebanding dengan yang diberikan untuk hal lainnya?

Kedua, waktu. Tuhan sangat adil dengan memberi waktu yang sama untuk semua manusia 24 jam sehari, tidak lebih dan tidak kurang. apakah anda sudah memaksimalkan waktu yang anda punya?

Ketiga, kualitas. Pada saat menonton televisi, apakah anda telah melihat apa makna dibalik acara tersebut/telah mengetahui acara yang benar-benar berkualitas, atau anda hanya mengganti2 channel sambil melihat acara yang menarik? Kalau anda perhatikan, susunan acara didasari pada peminat dari penonton. Sayangnya untuk indonesia, yang berkembang adalah sinetron yang nota bene semakin kurang berkualitas atau infotainment. Mengajarkan hal-hal yang tidak sepantasnya untuk anak-anak. 

Kini, hari demi hari saya lalui tanpa televisi dan film. Saya mungkin menjadi orang yang paling tidak update terhadap film atau serial atau hiburan terbaru di TV atau bioskop.

Lalu apa yang menjadi hiburan saya?

Aneh tapi nyata, saya menjadi sangat suka sekali membaca. Semakin banyak membaca, saya semakin ingin membaca lebih banyak. Saya seperti menemukan dunia baru dalam buku. Setiap buku memberikan  pengetahuan baru kepada saya, membuka mata dan pikiran saya terhadap hal yang ada didunia ini. Bukan hanya drama atau action seperti yang menjadi andalan TV atau film.

Cobalah kurangi waktu menonton anda…anda akan heran, begitu banyak waktu yang anda miliki untuk melakukan hal lain yang begitu berguna.. Mau mencoba?

Buat yang sudah menjadi ibu/ayah, pasti pernah bertanya, “gimana seh buat anak saya menurut”. Kita selalu memberikan yang terbaik untuk anak ini, tapi dia malah berteriak, menolak, sungguh sulit diatur!!  Sudah dibela-belain buat makanan tersehat dan terlezat, eh dia malah mengunci mulutnya, atau yang lebih parah lagi, kalau piringnya ditepak, atau malah dimuntahkan kembali.

Saya sendiri sempat hampir stress dengan hal ini. Mulai dari bayi, disaat kita sulit sekali menebak arti dari tangisannya yang tak kunjung selesai, padahal kita baru saja mau beristirahat. Lalu ketika dia mulai mengerti bahwa dirinya terpisah dari orang lain, dan mulai memiliki kehendak sendiri, dia menolak semua yang kita minta. Diminta makan, dia malah lari. Diminta jangan lari-lari, dia malah lari, loncat, sampai akhirnya jatuh. Diminta untuk tidur, dia menolak, menangis.

Sejuta masalah antara orang tua dan anaknya sebenernya bukan hal yang baru. Kalau kita bertanya ke orang tua kita, mereka pasti memiliki pengalaman yang sama sewaktu membesarkan kita. Jadi, apa yang salah?
Mungkin sudah saatnya ada pendidikan khusus untuk membesarkan anak. Pernahkah terpikir kalau untuk pengetahuan lain, kita punya pendidikannya. Bahasa, sains, ketrampilan masak, sampai ke hairdresser pun ada. Tapi mengapa pendidikan untuk membesarkan anak tidak ada?

Padahal, kebutuhan ini sangat besar, buktinya TV show seperti Nanny 911, Super nanny cukup mem-booming dan terkenal. Banyak orang tua menjadikan acara ini sebagai salah satu sarana untuk mendapat ilmu membesarkan anak. Tapi itu pun, cukup sulit untuk diterapkan dirumah kita masing-masing.

Atau ada yang berpikir, dulu orang tua kita juga ga belajar membesarkan anak. Buktinya kita bisa jadi orang yang sukses, bisa cari duit, bisa punya moral, dll. Nah, coba direnungkan kembali, apakah tantangan yang kita hadapai pada jaman kita kecil, sama dengan jaman anak kita? Apakah dulu kita semua informasi dapat diperoleh dengan koneksi internet dan keyword yang tepat?  Apakah dulu teknologi sudah semaju sekarang dimana hampir semua orang sudah punya HP atau bahkan mini CPU (PDA/smart phone). Apakah dulu lulusan S1 sebanyak sekarang, atau lulusan S2 sebanyak sekarang?

Pendidikan yang sama yang kita tempuh dulu, kalau dilalui oleh anak kita sekarang, tidak akan cukup untuk memberi bekal kepada mereka untuk bersaing di masa mereka. Kita tidak bisa memprediksi apa yang akan terjadi beberapa tahun kedepan. Segala sesuatu yang baru bermunculan setiap hari.. Dunia sudah berubah. Mendidik anak perlu cara yang berbeda pula..

Lalu, kalau dibilang, buktinya ada orang tua yang dapat mengatur anaknya dengan tanpa masalah.. walau dia tidak belajar apa-apa ttg mendidik anak. Sama seperti ketrampilan lainnya, ada orang yang memang berbakat, sehingga untuk ketrampilan tersebut, dia tidak membutuhkan pendidikan, bisa secara otodidak. Tapi sayangnya tidak semua orang memiliki kemampuan ini.

Coba bayangkan, bila semua orang tua yang pastinya tidak berpengalaman mendidik anak, melakukan trial and error dalam kehidupan anak mereka. Untuk yang percobaannya berhasil, anaknya akan berhasil pula, tapi bagaimana nasib dengan yang error??

Saya sendiri, merasa buta mengenai hal ini, mencoba mencari informasi dari berbagai media. Pertama langganan majalah parenting, subscribe ke web seperti babycenter, sampai melahap buku-buku dari self improvement, children development sampai ke buku nanny 911.

Saya cukup kaget, ternyata banyak sekali yang belum saya ketahui sebelumnya.. dan ternyata hasil pencarian saya malah berpengaruh terhadap perkembangan diri saya sendiri. Mulai dari emotional intelligence, yang menjadi dasar utk membentuk karakter/moral seseorang, kemampuan komunikasi yang menjadi dasar utk mengemukakan ide, pentingnya keseimbangan aktifitas otak kanan dan kiri yang menjadi hal wajib utk menjadi orang yang kreatif dan cerdas.

Belum lagi pengetahuan financial (yang sebelumnya saya tidak pernah diajarkan disekolah) dari buku rich dad poor dad. Atau mengenai pentingnya musik dan seni lainnya terhadap cara bekerja otak.  Perbedaan cara membesarkan anak laki-laku dgn anak perempuan. Secara biologis kedua gender ini memiliki perbedaan yang cukup significant dan ternyata membawa perbedaan yang cukup besar terhadap cara mereka belajar dan berkembang.

Dan yang menurut saya yang sangat menarik adalah ternyata semua orang memiliki passion yang berbeda-beda yang sudah dikaruniai oleh Tuhan. Dan bagaimana cara untuk bertemu dengan passion tersebut, dan mengapa kita sekarang semua sepertinya sibuk mencari passion kita sendiri.

Pencarian saya belum berakhir… semakin banyak membaca, semakin terasa banyak hal yang belum saya ketahui. Mungkin dengan adanya pendidikan mengenai membesarkan anak, proses pembelajaran ini dapat menjadi lebih cepat atau untuk yang tidak memiliki waktu karena sibuknya pekerjaan, mungkin kursus-kursus dapat memberikan basic knowledge.

Masa depan bangsa tergantung pada generasi masa depan.. anak-anak kitalah yang akan berkarya nantinya. anak yang masih imut yang berada dalam asuhan kita saat ini..

Setujukah anda?

“separation anxiety” yang terjadi pada Fabian hanya sebatas ketika saya mengantar dia sekolah..Sulit sekali melihat dia setiap hari menangis pada saat saya menyerahkannya dari gendongan saya ke gendongan gurunya.

Murid lain yang saya amati tidak mengalami hal yang sama. Meraka terlihat begitu mudah melepas kepergian mamanya setelah beberapa hari atau max 1 term. Tapi Fabian, setelah sekolah 10  minggu, masih belum dapat merelakan kepergian saya. Kadang dia hanya merenggut, tapi kebanyakan dia menangis sekeras2nya.

Yang aneh adalah, setelah beberapa menit dari kepergian saya, dia akan berhenti menangis, lalu mulai bermain dengan gurunya.. Memang pada saat parents conference yang pertama, guru Fabian mengatakan bahwa Fabian is a slow starter. Bila sudah memasuki sesi main ke playground yang kedua, dia akan semangat dan ceria..

Hampir setiap hari kerja, saya harus melihat muka histerisnya dengan derai air mata. Sebagian hati saya merasa kasihan (makes me felt like a cruel mom!).  Saya melaju mobil dengan hati yang kacau, berharap dia berhenti menangis secepatnya.

Sesekali, saya menyempatkan diri melihat bermain, tertawa dikelas, saya bercampur senang, tidak percaya, melihat hal yang begitu bertolak belakang dengan kejadian di pagi harinya.

Setelah saya renungi.. dan renungi.. mungkin ini yang menjadi masalah:

Saya tidak benar-benar percaya bahwa sekolah yang saya pilih adalah tempat terbaik untuk anak saya. Walau saya melihat bahwa sekolah ini tidak sempurna, tapi adalah yang terbaik diantara nominasi lainnya.  Akibatnya, secara emotional ada sedikit kekhawatiran yang terbesit (walau secara logika sudah sangat yakin). Karena kemampuan luar biasa dari anak untuk merasakan apa yang mamanya rasakan, dia menjadi khawatir juga.

Jadi sebelum saya menanyakan “apa yang salah dengan anak saya? “, saya akan mencoba menelaah  “apa yang salah dengan saya?”

Hasil searching yang pikir sangat membantu adalah:

http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/feelings/separation_anxiety.html#

• Be calm and consistent. Create a exit ritual during which you say a pleasant, loving, and firm goodbye. Stay calm and show confidence in your child. Reassure him or her that you’ll be back — and explain how long it will be until you return using concepts kids will understand (such as after lunch) because your child can’t yet understand time. Give him or her your full attention when you say goodbye, and when you say you’re leaving, mean it; coming back will only make things worse.
• Follow through on promises. It’s important to make sure that you return when you have promised to. This is critical — this is how your child will develop the confidence that he or she can make it through the time apart.

Sabtu lalu, 23 mei 09, saya menghabiskan akhir pekan dengan lebih dari 100 orang wanita yang berkumpul di hotel Sari San Pasifik Jakarta yang memiliki minat yang sama. Workshop yang diselenggarakan oleh Femina dan BNI ini, bertujuan untuk memberi pengetahuan bagi yang penasaran dengan dunia wirausaha.

Saya sebenarnya belum yakin dengan dunia yang satu ini dan tertarik mengikuti modul pertama (membahas kesiapan untuk terjun ke dunia wirausaha). Tapi ternyata kelasnya sudah full (max 50 orang), sehingga saya beralih ke modul ketiga (membahas pemilihan produk dan teknik pemasarannya). Selain kedua modul tsb, ada pula modul yang membahas SDM (modul 2) dan Keuangan (modul 4).

Dalam kelas saya, pada awalnya hanya terdapat sekitar 15 orang.. tapi berjalan dengan waktu, peserta bertambah banyak dan yang cukup mengejutkan adalah tidak hanya wanita, tapi beberapa pria juga berpartisipasi dikelas saya. Sebagian besar dari mereka sudah memiliki usaha sendiri, ada yang bergelut di fashion, baik online maupun outlet, catering, handycraft, franchise makanan, laundry sampai ke pembuat website. Saya sendiri ketika ditanya apakah usaha yang ingin dibuka, masih bingung.. mungkin menjadi konsultan IT

Pembicaranya adalah Adi Sukito dan Salord Sagala. Mereka membahas mengenai bagaimana memilih produk/jasa yang kita akan fokuskan dan bagaimana cara membangun brand, termasuk logo, merk dan tagline. Pada saat latihan, saya dengan ketiga teman baru saya, Rahmi, Dewi dan suaminya, membuat brand “Pastry”- Pas rasanya Try enaknya..lumayan untuk durasi 10 menit yah..

Beberapa hal yang cukup menarik adalah:

Untuk memilih usaha, kita perlu mengetahui apa yang dibutuhkan oleh customer. Bukan hanya karena kita ingin menjual sesuatu, tapi tidak melihat kebutuhan customer. Jadi bagaimana caranya?

1. Ketahui target market anda. semakin detail anda mengetahui target market anda, semakin anda dapat mendekati mereka dan memperbesar kemungkinan utk menjual. Misal, mereka biasanya baca majalah apa, sehingga pada saat membuat iklan, menjadi tepat medianya.  Atau biasanya mereka jalan-jalan ke mana, hari apa, jam berapa — sehingga bila ingin bagi brosur bisa tepat waktu,dan tempatnya.
2. Kenali dan coba ambil perspektif mereka dalam menilai produk atau service yang akan anda jual. Mungkin menurut anda produk/jasa yang di berikan sangat bagus. Tapi ternyata tidak menurut target market anda..artinya usaha anda akan berakhir cepat
3. Untuk usaha kecil yang tidak mungkin membeli jasa konsultan riset, adakan marketing riset sendiri. Buat survey dgn koresponden sekitar 200 orang yang sesuai dengan target marketnya. Pertanyaan dalam survey ini harus spesifik, lengkap dengan alternatif jawaban dan tidak menimbulkan kebiasan dalam menjawab.
4. Dengan bekal pengetahuan ini, lalu desainlah business model anda. Baik dari segi harga, penampilan maupun detail produk/service lainnya. Satu hal yang sangat penting adalah apakah yang menjadi pembeda produk/service yang anda tawarkan dibanding kompetitor lain.  Ini harus menjadi top priority dalam desain business model anda dan konsisten disepanjang umur bisnis anda.

Bila anda sudah menemukan business model yang ok, lalu hal penting lainnya adalah Brand/merek, lengkap dengan logo dan tag line

Brand bukan sedekar nama yang dipajang diproduk/service anda. Brandlah yang membuat customer loyal kepada produk anda. Untuk itu perlu dipikirkan brand yang mudah diingat, cukup catchy dan sesuai dengan business model anda.

Sebenernya brand yang memakai nama pendiri perusahaan tidak begitu disarankan, karena bila bisnis berkembang, lalu kepemilikan bertambah, akan terjadi kesulitan bila ternyata terjadi sengketa ditengah jalan.

Ada beberapa brand yang cukup nyeleneh.. tapi ternyata dapat membuat orang menjadi hapal dengan brand ini. Intinya jangan takut mencoba yang stand out dari yang lain. Begitu pula dengan logo, ini yang memberikan visualisasi dari brand anda.

Lalu untuk tagline, sebenarnya dibutuhkan atau tidak?  Tagline membantu anda dalam membangun citra brand anda. contohnya banyak brand yang dapat dikenali oleh customer hanya dengan mengatakan/menyanyikan taglinenya. Jadi alangkah baiknya menggunakan fasilitas ini..

Sepertinya ini yang saya dapat dari workshop ini, selain dari beberapa teman baru yang langsung di add friend di face book

I really recommend parents to read Tony Buzan book, “The Brain Child”. It’s not a new book, but I just found the reason why I get interested with this topic. What else..of course it’s because my precious son has almost reach his first 2 years. I have no clue, what to do and what not to do for his education and development.

I found the book very easy to understand and resourceful for parents who wants the best for their child’s brain development. I decided to buy the book, even though I’ve finished read it from the library. Just for future reference.

Firstly, it describe how the brain works. I was convinced that brain has a very unlimited capability and very unique. I always think that a person will only have 1 side of brain as a dominant one, so we have to choose whether be a fully logical person or a very artistic person. But I was wrong. Someone can be very brilliant if he/she develop his/her both side of brain.

It’s the same with left or right handed. It shouldn’t be only one hand that master everything. The best is both hand should be trained alternately, and perhaps the dominance only 60:40. And of course there is no better one, left handed or right handed.

Second, it describe how a child learn. The process was called TEFCAS. Trial, Event, Feedback, check, adjust and Success. Yes, all children are born to be success, but what make them really success or not is the way their parents educate and nurture them. Trial mean ” try all”. I fully understand this statement, as my child continually explore his world and try to pull everything. Then, the trial will make an event. After that, the universe will give feedback to the child. he/she will analyze it and finally adjust his trial to reach his objective. And finally, he will be success. This whole process make my child behavior more make sense for me, and I understand how to react.

Third one, it convince me that every child is unique. Both physical (comes from DNA) and mental (experience, environment, way of nurture) factor have made even a twin or brother/sister completely different. Therefore, as a parent, I should not compare my child ability with other child. Rather than make him feel down by point out his weakness, it’s better to encourage him to develop his skill in area that he like most. The most important is always have faith on your child capability! He is a genius!

Fourth, what food your child brain need are ONLI..Oxygen,  nutrition, love and information. If you’re thinking that nutrition is enough.. then you’re wrong. Cause it’s only 1 element out of 4. The first one, oxygen, can be obtain if the child physically healthy and love to exercise. Love is something that God has delegated for parents to give to their children. Without love, our brain won’t develop maximum. The last one is information.. I’ve never realize this one..

There are lots of other important info there.. but you have to read it yourselves

Time goes by, I’ve been a mother for 21 months. I still don’t know whether I’m doing it good or bad or just fine. It’s not like in my job, they do review in periodic time and  feedback my performance . I clearly understand whether I have to change to a new method or perhaps new framework or just improve in the path I’ve choose..

Nurturing a child is probably the most complex and important task I’ve ever done. It needs both logic and feeling. It is so important that I can’t take the risk to not doing it right. The future of one important person in my life is on stake, I have to learn to be a good Mom!!

The question in my head is.. ” what is the requirement of a good mom?”, “What should I do/teach to my little baby?”,”why is it so hard just to give something that I know will be good for him, like a healthy food?” I know, I lack of knowledge here.. I need to find it somewhere, but found asking with other friends is not the right option (everybody seem to have their on believe, that I can’t understand)

Then, I start the journey with a new hobby, reading.. Something I really don’t like before.. but now, I find it very..very..very interesting. I found lots of story, other success people experience and what interested me is what their mom did and taught them. I always believe that mom has a very strong capability in shaping their child future. Here is my answer…

” what is the requirement of a good mom?”

When I ask this question, I remember my own mother. I always see my mother as a person who will be there when I need a shoulder, who help me solve my problems, who teach me how to live, who I can count on. I’m thankful that I had her as my mother and I can have and experience all things I’ve gone through so that I can be, who I am today..

I guess I have to do exactly what my mom did. She always believe that I can do all the things in this world if I want to. She can be a friend that I can share my story, but at the same time, she can be my protector who disallow me to do things I like. She gave a trust to decide things, but she gave certain limits that I should not cross. She encourage me and gave me solution when I’m desperate. I guess, trust, communication and balance is the key..

“What should I do/teach to my little baby?”

Somehow, I just think that something is missing in my mother caring. I found myself lack of creativity. I’m very strong in analytical, but I’ve never practice my right brain.

From the reading that I read, I understand that the world has changed. During my mom periods, all parents has the objective to make their children as one of those executive or professional that graduate university with flying colors. Good score means good future is in their hands.

However, technology had developed enormously. The world has moved from information era to the conceptual era (from “A Whole new mind” by Daniel H Pink) . I myself has felt the changes. I agree that education should changed too..

I believe that we need to develop both side of our child brain. So it’s not just analytical thinking, but also creativity, not just focus, but also contextual, not only fact, but also the emotional part.

I know it’s gonna be difficult, coz I myself have to learn as well.

“Why is it so hard just to give something that I know will be good for him, like a healthy food?”

I just figure out from the “brain child”- Tony Buzan, that a brain is a very sophisticated and amazing thing in human body and that every person in this world is unique. A child learn by a concept call TEFCAS (trial, event, feedback, check, adjust, success).  It’s a very interest concept that God create for human to learn.

First he try all, it means all things.. including rejecting our suggestion. Then he will evaluate the event following his attempt as a feedback. After the checking phase, whether it’s a favorable result or not, he will adjust.. is it the correct trial or not.. if not he will try all over again until it success!

So It’s important to understand my child perspective and how to give him the right feedback. I guess experience and lots of readings will guide me for this matter.

Sometimes I think, God sent Fabian for me to improve my patient

Saya ingat betapa stress dan takutnya ketika mendekati waktu masuk kerja kembali setelah cuti melahirkan 3bulan lamanya. Dalam waktu 1 jam memerah, hanya sekitar 20 ml ASI yang dihasilkan. Padahal pada saat itu, Fabian sudah mencapai umur sekitar 1.5 bulan..

Lalu saya mulai mencari di internet, tips untuk memerah asi. Banyak yang saya dapat, tapi tidak ada yang dengan spesifik menjelaskan bagaimana cara memerah yang mereka gunakan. Sekarang, setelah 20 bulan memerah, saya memberanikan diri untuk menulis tips memerah asi  berdasar pengalaman pribadi saya. Dan dibagian akhir, saya juga menyertakan reference yang sangat bagus, termasuk detail bagaimana cara memerah dengan tangan dan tips-tips dari ibu-ibu lainnya.

Pertama, yang perlu diperhatikan adalah konsep dari pemberian ASI yang sudah saya paparkan di post tips sukses asi eksklusif. Ini adalah dasar dari pemberian asi itu sendiri.

Kedua, cari informasi mengenai cara memerah yang lengkap. Saya sangat terlambat dalam mengetahui bahwa  ada klinik laktasi yang dapat membantu ibu menyusui dalam masalah seputar asi dan menyusui dan banyak seminar yang di lakukan oleh institusi pendukung asi. Hal ini yang menyebabkan saya tidak berhasil menguasai teknik memerah dengan tangan. untuk detail dari klinik laktasi bisa dilihat disini. Saya pernah menghubungi hotline asi di (021) 315-4187 atau 390-4441 pesawat 2271 dan mengunjungi klinik laktasi carolus, tapi sudah terlambat karena pada saat itu saya hanya 1 minggu dari waktu akan masuk kerja kembali..

Ketiga, gunakan cara/alat yang cocok untuk anda dan latihan terus. Banyak yang metode memerah asi, ada yang manual (menggunakan tangan), dengan pompa manual, dengan pompa elektrik. Dari masing-masing pompa saja banyak yang macamnya. Yang cocok untuk saya adalah pompa manual dari Avent dan pompa mini electric dari Medela. Yup, saya menggunakan 2 pompa. kenapa? awalnya saya hanya memiliki pompa manual avent. Saya berlatih memerah asi menggunakan alat ini. Dan dalam kurun waktu 1 bulan, saya sudah mulai mahir. Tapi masalah utama dalam memompa adalah menimbulkan Let-down reflex (Milk Ejection Reflex) sangat sulit sekali. Padahal saat reflex ini terjadi, maka air susu akan mengalir dengan derasnya di kedua payudara dan sangat mudah utk memerahnya. Maka untuk menghemat waktu memerah, saya memerlukan pompa di kedua payudara pada saat yang bersamaan pada saat reflex ini muncul. Karena sulit untuk menggunakan 2 buah pompa manual, saya memilih pompa elektrik dari medela.

P.s: Pada april 2007, saya membeli pompa avent manual 375 rb dan pompa medela mini electric 590rb (tapi pada saat saya menulis post ini, sudah naik menjadi 1jt). Detail reflex Let-down dapat dibaca di article ini

Ketiga, berilah pengertian kepada atasan anda, bahwa asi sangat penting
bagi nyawa anak anda dan walau anda akan menghilang sekitar 3kali 15
menit sehari, tapi ini tidak akan mempengaruhi kinerja kerja anda.
Percaya atau tidak, banyak pemikiran dan ide baru di pekerjaan saya,
saya dapatkan pada saat memerah. Mungkin karena pada saat ini, banyak
hormon bahagia (oksitosin) yang dikeluarkan tubuh, sehingga anda dapat
berpikir lebih jernih)

Keempat, konsistensi pengaturan waktu memerah. Pada awal saya masuk kerja, saya memerah 3 kali pada saat jam kerja masing-masing sekitar 15 menit (tapi tergantung mood juga. Kalau sedang stress bisa sampe 30 menit). Sesi pertama dilakukan sekitar jam 9-10, lalu yang kedua jam 12-13 dan yang terakhir sesaat sebelum pulang, sekitar jam 4-5. Yang penting adalah konsistensi jumlah memerah. Teman saya mengalami penurunan jumlah asi karena sering “skip” sesi memerah pada saat dia perjalanan keluar kantor. Padahal bila tidak diperah, maka tubuh akan slow down dalam produksi asi sehingga jumlahnya akan menurun. jadi usahakan tetap memerah dimanapun itu, saya sendiri pernah memerah dalam segala macam kondisi, di WC, di ruang kerja, di mobil, bahkan sambil menyetir (karena pada saat itu terjebak macet total).

Kelima, cobalah untuk rilex pada saat memulai memerah. Untuk saya, ruangan dan mood sangat berpengaruh. Beruntung saya mempunyai tempat kerja yang mempunyai satu ruang khusus untuk menyusui, di klinik. Jadi saya dapat dengan rilex memerah. Kadang saya menyiapkan majalah, buku, roti atau snack untuk menemani sesi memerah.

Keenam, karena saya menggunakan alat, saya tidak sempat mencuci dan mensterilkan alat setiap kali selesai memerah. Jadi yang saya lakukan adalah membilasnya dengan air panas yang diambil dari dispenser Aqua di kantor. Pada awalnya sempat khawatir , kalau air tersebut kurang bersih. Tapi buktinya sampai anak saya berusia 20 bualn, dia tidak pernah diare atau sakit apapun akibat asi yang diberikan oleh babysitternya.

Ketujuh, rawatlah pompa anda. Bila ada komponen yang rusak, bisa hubungi bagian service. Khusus untuk pompa medela saya, pernah rusak adaptornya. Saya membawanya ke distributornya di kelapa gading (telp : 021-4522249) dan memperbaikinya disana. Selain itu beberapa komponen yang cepat rusak seperti selaput tipis, dll bisa dibeli disana.

Kedelapan, tetaplah semangat. Saya selalu memacu semangat saya dengan menargetkan sejumlah cc asi tiap harinya. Jumlah asi yang diproduksi tiap ibu berbeda-beda. Ada yang bisa mencapai 300 cc sekali pompa, ada yang hanya 80 cc.  Saya bukanlah tipe ibu dengan ASI berlimpah. Jadi saya harus berusaha untuk memelihara jumlah asi yang saya produksi. Pada 9 bulan pertama, saya mendapat sekitar 500 cc asi pada saat jam kerja. Kemudian menurun sejalan dengan pengurangan sesi memerah menjadi 400 sampai 250 cc. Dan mulai tahun 2009 ini,  saya hanya memerah sekali dan hanya mendapat sekitar 100cc sehari.

Beberapa artikel menarik lainnya mengenai memerah dapat dilihat disini:

1. http://www.babiesonline.com/articles/breastfeeding/breastfeedingyourbaby.asp
2. http://www.babiesonline.com/articles/breastfeeding/workingandpumping.asp
3. http://www.breastfeeding.com/helpme/helpme_common_ques.html
4. http://www.kellymom.com/bf/supply/letdown.html
5. http://www.askdrsears.com/html/2/T025600.asp
6. http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/298_1061.asp

Fabian is 20 months old now.. It’s getting harder and harder for me and the babysitter to feed him. Especially when his babysitter is having a leave for Christmas holiday. I have no clue at all on how to persuade him to open his  mouth. I’ve tried all trick and tips I know, but he just simply not interested in eating. I’ve made different and variation of food, I’ve gave him the most interesting toys that he really like, I’ve tried to be nice, I’ve tried to be firm,… All methods are not working! I’m desperate now…

I have no idea this simple task was an excellent exercise to make mother more patient and consistent. I’ve read a lot about child brain and how to raise a child to become a smart boy. I just can’t believe, I miss this part..

If I compare with the hardest subject in my collage time, it was far more difficult and complex. I guess this is why a relationship of two or more people has always complex case. In exam, you just have to work hard, study hard.. you will achieve it.. but in this relationship context, you have to get the other party has the same perspective to be success. And believe me…that’s the hardest part!

You know why is it so hard? this is my contemplations result..

First, even though he just a little boy, he is an individual who has his own will and interest. A mother, like every other person, can’t force someone else to think or to do what we want him to do, unless the person is willing to do it or to hear and understand. Now the problem is.. we know that eating is very important for a toddler, for his development. But the child, himself doesn’t have the same perspective.  He might think it’s a boring activity and rather running, jumping around than sitting still in one place..

Second, he start to show the world that he is independent by now. If someone force him to do something, he will get angry and cried all out. He tried different responses and see what his mother reactions are. For me, Fabian will do an unstoppable cry and ask for breastfeeding for a reward. I can’t help it.. I just gave him what he wants because I don’t want him to get sick because of the cry..

third, a toddler is very smart. If he knows that his method to reject a food is working, he will remember it and do the same. I can’t help it. .I need to be more creative and make him think that eating is more fun than playing!

Fourth, as you know, healthy food is not as tasty as fast food. well even a child know that ..

Fifth, this task is not only a physical exercise, as you have to chase him during the feeding time, watch him from danger, but also a emotional exercise. Your patient is being tested to the limit or perhaps over the limit. can you imagine the food that you prepare carefully was made from a selected ingredient (that you can afford for yourself, but for your child you buy it) have to be ended up in the floor when your child pushed the plate away. The worst part is that if you angry or just sound angry, your child will start to cry.. a unstoppable cry..until you hug, sing for him and breastfeeding him.

I have not know how to make my child eat yet.. but all the reasons above make me more calm and aware that I am the adult one. I have to find a way and try not too emotional during this activity, I believe God will show me the way..