Saya mendapat artikel yang sangat menarik mengenai parenting. Kalau dilihat-lihat, ada tipe  orang tua yang sangat cuek dengan anaknya, tapi ada pula yang sangat overprotective.

Setelah baca artikelnya, jadi teringat, saya pernah beli semacam kid leash waktu anak baru bisa jalan (abis dia ga bisa diam..jadi kalau jalan2 suka jatuh kemana2) tapi akhirnya ga pernah dipake juga..ga tega liatnya kok sama seperti doggy.. dan ternyata dia ga masalah walau sering banget benjol di kepala gara2 jatuh..

Lucunya, semakin saya banyak baca buku parenting, semakin saya yakin bahwa tidak ada panduan ideal utk jadi orang tua. Akhirnya balik lagi ke intuisi orang tua. Apapun yang dipelajari, bila anak enjoy, maka dia akan belajar dengan baik.

Kalau lihat banyak sekali mainan dan alat utk memacu perkembangan anak – saya jadi mikir, sebenernya kemajuan di dunia parenting atau hanya over obsess parent yang dulu punya keinginan bisa sesuatu tapi ga kesampaian, sampe2 anaknya dijejali dengan berbagai macam alat.

Tapi balik lagi.. karena banyak orang tua lain melakukan hal itu, kadang kita jadi kebawa dan ikut-ikutan juga… artikel ini jadi semacam pengingat, selamat membaca

The Growing Backlash Against Overparenting

By Nancy Gibbs

The insanity crept up on us slowly; we just wanted what was best for our kids. We bought macrobiotic cupcakes and hypoallergenic socks, hired tutors to correct a 5-year-old’s “pencil-holding deficiency,” hooked up broadband connections in the treehouse but took down the swing set after the second skinned knee. We hovered over every school, playground and practice field — “helicopter parents,” teachers christened us, a phenomenon that spread to parents of all ages, races and regions. Stores began marketing stove-knob covers and “Kinderkords” (also known as leashes; they allow “three full feet of freedom for both you and your child”) and Baby Kneepads (as if babies don’t come prepadded). The mayor of a Connecticut town agreed to chop down three hickory trees on one block after a woman worried that a stray nut might drop into her new swimming pool, where her nut-allergic grandson occasionally swam. A Texas school required parents wanting to help with the second-grade holiday party to have a background check first. Schools auctioned off the right to cut the carpool line and drop a child directly in front of the building — a spot that in other settings is known as handicapped parking.

We were so obsessed with our kids’ success that parenting turned into a form of product development. Parents demanded that nursery schools offer Mandarin, since it’s never too soon to prepare for the competition of a global economy. High school teachers received irate text messages from parents protesting an exam grade before class was even over; college deans described freshmen as “crispies,” who arrived at college already burned out, and “teacups,” who seemed ready to break at the tiniest stress.

This is what parenting had come to look like at the dawn of the 21st century — just one more extravagance, the Bubble Wrap waiting to burst.

All great rebellions are born of private acts of civil disobedience that inspire rebel bands to plot together. And so there is now a new revolution under way, one aimed at rolling back the almost comical overprotectiveness and overinvestment of moms and dads. The insurgency goes by many names — slow parenting, simplicity parenting, free-range parenting — but the message is the same: Less is more; hovering is dangerous; failure is fruitful. You really want your children to succeed? Learn when to leave them alone. When you lighten up, they’ll fly higher. We’re often the ones who hold them down.

A backlash against overparenting had been building for years, but now it reflects a new reality. Since the onset of the Great Recession, according to a CBS News poll, a third of parents have cut their kids’ extracurricular activities. They downsized, downshifted and simplified because they had to — and often found, much to their surprise, that they liked it. When a TIME poll last spring asked how the recession had affected people’s relationships with their kids, nearly four times as many people said relationships had gotten better as said they’d gotten worse. “This is one of those moments when everything is on the table, up for grabs,” says Carl Honoré, whose book Under Pressure: Rescuing Our Children from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting is a gospel of the slow-parenting movement. He likens the sudden awareness to the feeling you get when you wake up after a long night carousing, the lights go on, and you realize you’re a mess. “That horrible moment of self-recognition is where we are culturally. I wanted parents to realize they are not alone in thinking this is insanity, and show there’s another way.”

How We Got Here
Overparenting had been around long before Douglas MacArthur’s mom Pinky moved with him to West Point in 1899 and took an apartment near the campus, supposedly so she could watch him with a telescope to be sure he was studying. But in the 1990s something dramatic happened, and the needle went way past the red line. From peace and prosperity, there arose fear and anxiety; crime went down, yet parents stopped letting kids out of their sight; the percentage of kids walking or biking to school dropped from 41% in 1969 to 13% in 2001. Death by injury has dropped more than 50% since 1980, yet parents lobbied to take the jungle gyms out of playgrounds, and strollers suddenly needed the warning label “Remove Child Before Folding.” Among 6-to-8-year-olds, free playtime dropped 25% from 1981 to ‘97, and homework more than doubled. Bookstores offered Brain Foods for Kids: Over 100 Recipes to Boost Your Child’s Intelligence. The state of Georgia sent every newborn home with the CD Build Your Baby’s Brain Through the Power of Music, after researchers claimed to have discovered that listening to Mozart could temporarily help raise IQ scores by as many as 9 points. By the time the frenzy had reached its peak, colleges were installing “Hi, Mom!” webcams in common areas, and employers like Ernst & Young were creating “parent packs” for recruits to give Mom and Dad, since they were involved in negotiating salary and benefits.

Once obsessing about kids’ safety and success became the norm, a kind of orthodoxy took hold, and heaven help the heretics — the ones who were brave enough to let their kids venture outside without Secret Service protection. Just ask Lenore Skenazy, who to this day, when you Google “America’s Worst Mom,” fills the first few pages of results — all because one day last year she let her 9-year-old son ride the New York City subway alone. A newspaper column she wrote about it somehow ignited a global firestorm over what constitutes reasonable risk. She had reporters calling from China, Israel, Australia, Malta. (“Malta! An island!” she marvels. “Who’s stalking the kids there? Pirates?”) Skenazy decided to fight back, arguing that we have lost our ability to assess risk. By worrying about the wrong things, we do actual damage to our children, raising them to be anxious and unadventurous or, as she puts it, “hothouse, mama-tied, danger-hallucinating joy extinguishers.”

Skenazy, a Yale-educated mom who with her husband is raising two boys in New York City, had ingested all the same messages as the rest of us. Her sons’ school once held a pre-field-trip assembly explaining exactly how close to a hospital the children would be at all times. She confesses to being “at least part Sikorsky,” hiring a football coach for a son’s birthday and handing out mouth guards as party favors. But when the Today show had her on the air to discuss her subway decision, interviewer Ann Curry turned to the camera and asked, “Is she an enlightened mom or a really bad one?”

From that day and the food fight that followed, she launched her Free Range Kids blog, which eventually turned into her own Dangerous Book for Parents: Free-Range Kids: Giving Our Children the Freedom We Had Without Going Nuts with Worry. There is no rational reason, she argues, that a generation of parents who grew up walking alone to school, riding mass transit, trick-or-treating, teeter-tottering and selling Girl Scout cookies door to door should be forbidding their kids to do the same. But somehow, she says, “10 is the new 2. We’re infantilizing our kids into incompetence.” She celebrates seat belts and car seats and bike helmets and all the rational advances in child safety. It’s the irrational responses that make her crazy, like when Dear Abby endorses the idea, as she did in August, that each morning before their kids leave the house, parents take a picture of them. That way, if they are kidnapped, the police will have a fresh photo showing what clothes they were wearing. Once the kids make it home safe and sound, you can delete the picture and take a new one the next morning.

That advice may seem perfectly sensible to parents bombarded by heartbreaking news stories about missing little girls and the predator next door. But too many parents, says Skenazy, have the math all wrong. Refusing to vaccinate your children, as millions now threaten to do in the case of the swine flu, is statistically reckless; on the other hand, there are no reports of a child ever being poisoned by a stranger handing out tainted Halloween candy, and the odds of being kidnapped and killed by a stranger are about 1 in 1.5 million. When parents confront you with “How can you let him go to the store alone?,” she suggests countering with “How can you let him visit your relatives?” (Some 80% of kids who are molested are victims of friends or relatives.) Or ride in the car with you? (More than 430,000 kids were injured in motor vehicles last year.) “I’m not saying that there is no danger in the world or that we shouldn’t be prepared,” she says. “But there is good and bad luck and fate and things beyond our ability to change. The way kids learn to be resourceful is by having to use their resources.” Besides, she says with a smile, “a 100%-safe world is not only impossible. It’s nowhere you’d want to be.”

Dispatches from the Front Lines
Eleven parents are sitting in a circle in an airy, glass-walled living room in south Austin, Texas, eating organic, gluten-free, nondairy coconut ice cream. This is a Slow Family Living class, taught by perinatal psychologist Carrie Contey and Bernadette Noll. “Our whole culture,” says Contey, 38, “is geared around ‘Is your kid making the benchmarks?’ There’s this fear of ‘Is my kid’s head the right size?’ People think there’s some mythical Good Mother out there that they aren’t living up to and that it’s hurting their child. I just want to pull the plug on that.”

The parents seem relieved to hear it. Matt, a textbook editor, reports that he and his wife quit a book club because it caused too much stress on book-club nights, and stopped fussing about how the house looks, which brings nods all around the room: let go of perfectionism in all its tyranny. Margaret, a publishing executive, tells her own near-miss story of how she stepped back from the brink of insanity. On her son’s fourth birthday, she says, “I’m like ‘Oh, my God, he’s eligible for Suzuki!’ I literally got on the phone and called 12 Suzuki teachers,” she says, before realizing the nightmare she was creating for herself and her child. Shutting down your inner helicopter isn’t easy. “This is not a shift in perspective that occurs overnight,” Matt admits after class. “And it’s not every day that I consciously sit down and ask myself hard questions about how I want family life to be slower or better.”

Fear is a kind of parenting fungus: invisible, insidious, perfectly designed to decompose your peace of mind. Fear of physical danger is at least subject to rational argument; fear of failure is harder to hose down. What could be more natural than worrying that your child might be trampled by the great, scary, globally competitive world into which she will one day be launched? It is this fear that inspires parents to demand homework in preschool, produce the snazzy bilingual campaign video for the third-grader’s race for class rep, continue to provide the morning wake-up call long after he’s headed off to college.

Some of the hovering is driven by memory and demography. This generation of parents, born after 1964, waited longer to marry and had fewer children. Families are among the smallest in history, which means our genetic eggs are in fewer baskets and we guard them all the more zealously. Helicopter parents can be found across all income levels, all races and ethnicities, says Patricia Somers of the University of Texas at Austin, who spent more than a year studying the species at the college level. “There are even helicopter grandparents,” she notes, who turn up with their elementary-school grandchildren for college-information sessions aimed at juniors and seniors.

Nor is this phenomenon limited to ZIP codes where every Volvo wagon just has to have a University of Chicago sticker on it. “I’m having exactly the same conversations with coaches, teachers, parents, counselors, whether I’m in Wichita or northern Canada or South America,” says Honoré. His own revelation came while listening to the feedback about his son in kindergarten. It was fine, but nothing stellar — until he got to the art room and the teacher began raving about how creative his son was, pointing out his sketches that she’d displayed as models for other students. Then, Honoré recalls, “she dropped the G-bomb: ‘He’s a gifted artist,’ she told us, and it was one of those moments when you don’t hear anything else. I just saw the word gifted in neon with my son’s name …” So he hurried home and Googled the names of art tutors and eagerly told his son all about the special person who would help him draw even better. “He looks at me like I’m from outer space,” Honoré says. “‘I just wanna draw,’ he tells me. ‘Why do grownups have to take over everything?’ ”

“That was a searing epiphany,” Honoré concludes. “I didn’t like what I saw.” He now writes and lectures about the many fruits of slowing down, citing research that suggests the brain in its relaxed state is more creative, makes more nuanced connections and is ripe for eureka moments. “With children,” he argues, “they need that space not to be entertained or distracted. What boredom does is take away the noise … and leave them with space to think deeply, invent their own game, create their own distraction. It’s a useful trampoline for children to learn how to get by.”

Other studies reinforce the importance of play as an essential protein in a child’s emotional diet; were it not, argue some scientists, it would not have persisted across species and millenniums, perhaps as a way to practice for adulthood, to build leadership, sociability, flexibility, resilience — even as a means of literally shaping the brain and its pathways. Dr. Stuart Brown, a psychiatrist and the founder of the National Institute for Play — who has a treehouse above his office — recalls in a recent book how managers at Caltech’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) noticed the younger engineers lacked problem-solving skills, though they had top grades and test scores. Realizing the older engineers had more play experience as kids — they’d taken apart clocks, built stereos, made models — JPL eventually incorporated questions about job applicants’ play backgrounds into interviews. “If you look at what produces learning and memory and well-being” in life, Brown has argued, “play is as fundamental as any other aspect.” The American Academy of Pediatrics warns that the decrease in free playtime could carry health risks: “For some children, this hurried lifestyle is a source of stress and anxiety and may even contribute to depression.” Not to mention the epidemic of childhood obesity in a generation of kids who never just go out and play.

Remember, Mistakes Are Good
Many educators have been searching for ways to tell parents when to back off. It’s a tricky line to walk, since studies link parents’ engagement in a child’s education to better grades, higher test scores, less substance abuse and better college outcomes. Given a choice, teachers say, overinvolved parents are preferable to invisible ones. The challenge is helping parents know when they are crossing a line.

Every teacher can tell the story of a student who needed to fail in order to be reassured that the world wouldn’t come to an end. Yet teachers now face a climate in which parents ghostwrite students’ homework, airbrush their lab reports — then lobby like a K Street hired gun for their child to be assigned to certain classes. Principal Karen Faucher instituted a “no rescue” policy at Belinder Elementary in Prairie Village, Kans., when she noticed the front-office table covered each day with forgotten lunch boxes and notebooks, all brought in by parents. The tipping point was the day a mom rushed in with a necklace meant to complete her daughter’s coordinated outfit. “I’m lucky — I deal with intelligent parents here,” Faucher says. “But you saw very intelligent parents doing very stupid things. It was almost like a virus. The parents knew that was not what they intended to do, but they couldn’t help themselves.” A guidance counselor at a Washington prep school urges parents to find a mentor of a certain disposition. “Make friends with parents,” she advises, “who don’t think their kids are perfect.” Or with parents who are willing to exert some peer pressure of their own: when schools debate whether to drop recess to free up more test-prep time, parents need to let a school know if they think that’s a trade-off worth making.

A certain amount of hovering is understandable when it comes to young children, but many educators are concerned when it persists through middle school and high school. Some teachers talk of “Stealth Fighter Parents,” who no longer hover constantly but can be counted on for a surgical strike just when the high school musical is being cast or the starting lineup chosen. And senior year is the witching hour: “I think for a lot of parents, college admissions is like their grade report on how they did as a parent,” observes Madeleine Rhyneer, dean of students at Willamette University in Oregon. Many colleges have had to invent a “director of parent programs” to run regional groups so moms and dads can meet fellow college parents or attend special classes where they can learn all the school cheers. The Ithaca College website offers a checklist of advice: “Visit (but not too often)”; “Communicate (but not too often)”; “Don’t worry (too much)”; “Expect change”; “Trust them.”

Teresa Meyer, a former PTA president at Hickman High in Columbia, Mo., has just sent the youngest of her three daughters to college. “They made it very clear: You are not invited to the registration part where they’re requesting classes. That’s their job.” She’s come to appreciate the please-back-off vibe she’s encountered. “I hope that we’re getting away from the helicopter parenting,” Meyer says. “Our philosophy is ‘Give ‘em the morals, give ‘em the right start, but you’ve got to let them go.’ They deserve to live their own lives.”

What You Can Do
Among the most powerful weapons in the war against the helicopter brigade is the explosion of websites where parents can confide, confess and affirm their sense that lowering expectations is not the same as letting your children down. So you gave up trying to keep your 2-year-old from eating the dog’s food? You banged your son’s head on the doorway while giving him a piggyback ride? Your daughter hates school and is so scared of failure she won’t even try to ride a bike? “I just want to throw in the towel and give up on her,” one mom posts on Truuconfessions.com. “This is NOT what I thought I was signing up for.” Honestbaby.com sells baby T-shirts that say “I’ll walk when I’m good and ready.” Given how many books and websites drove a generation of parents mad with anxiety, a certain balance is restored to the universe when it becomes conventional for people to brag about what bad parents they are.

The revolutionary leaders are careful about offering too much advice. Parents have gotten plenty of that, and one of the goals of this new movement is to give parents permission to disagree or at least follow different roads. “People feel there’s somehow a secret formula for parenting, and if we just read enough books and spend enough money and drive ourselves hard enough, we’ll find it, and all will be O.K.,” Honoré observes. “Can you think of anything more sinister, since every child is so different, every family is different? Parents need to block out the sound and fury from the media and other parents, find that formula that fits your family best.”

Kim John Payne, author of Simplicity Parenting, teaches seminars on how to peel back the layers of cultural pressure that weigh down families. He and his coaches will even go into your home, weed out your kids’ stuff, sort out their schedule, turn off the screens and help your family find space you didn’t know you had, like a master closet reorganizer for the soul. But any parent can do it just as well. “We need to quit bombarding them with choices way before their ability to handle them,” Payne says. The average child has 150 toys. “When you cut the toys and clothes back … the kids really like it.” He aims for a cut of roughly 75%: he tosses out the broken toys and gives away the outgrown ones and the busy, noisy, blinking ones that do the playing for you. Pare down to the classics that leave the most to the child’s imagination and create a kind of toy library kids can visit and swap from. Then build breaks of calm into their schedule so they can actually enjoy the toys.

Finally, there is the gift of humility, which parents need to offer one another. We can fuss and fret and shuttle and shelter, but in the end, what we do may not matter as much as we think. Freakonomics authors Stephen Dubner and Steven Levitt analyzed a Department of Education study tracking the progress of kids through fifth grade and found that things like how much parents read to their kids, how much TV kids watch and whether Mom works make little difference. “Frequent museum visits would seem to be no more productive than trips to the grocery store,” they argued in USA Today. “By the time most parents pick up a book on parenting technique, it’s too late. Many of the things that matter most were decided long ago — what kind of education a parent got, what kind of spouse he wound up with and how long they waited to have children.”

If you embrace this rather humbling reality, it will be easier to follow the advice D.H. Lawrence offered back in 1918: “How to begin to educate a child. First rule: leave him alone. Second rule: leave him alone. Third rule: leave him alone. That is the whole beginning.”

Of course, that was easy for him to say. He had no kids.

— With reporting by Karen Ball / Kansas City, Mo.; Alexandra Silver / New York City; and Elizabeth Dias and Sophia Yan / Washington

I recently has received a question from a dad.. “…so, does the preschool show any improvement on your child ability?”

It took me a while before answered that question. I never thought to analyze the effectiveness of early education on my child. I spend my time worrying about endless separation anxiety. I thought that it’s an improvement that he could actually being able to be separated by his family or nanny. To be able to communicate with other with his limited language ability and to be independent.

But as I told the man, that I saw that as an improvement. He replies ” well, my daughter seem has no problem with separation. She tries holiday program, and never cry from the beginning of school and seems to enjoy the activity..”

Ooops.. I forgot.. that every child is different. What I thought will happen to every child, is actually not. A child is a unique human being. They has their own strength, weakness, interest and emotion control.

So.. how should we analyze whether preschool will do any good to our child? is it true that if we send them to school as early as possible, will make them a better learner?

I guess every parents will their own personal category.  but in my observation with my child, he shows a great improvement.. he is actually not a really socialized person. when he met someone new, he won’t get any close to that person and start to cry..(it’s good any way,.. so I don’t have to worry, about being kidnapped with a stranger

Preschool (it’s actually a toddler class) gives him a lot of practice to meet new person. The stimulus along with other stimulus (to understand about how time works, communicate, body movement, etc) will accelerate the child learning process.

Isn’t it can be done by parents at home?

Yes, exactly! but the nowadays, we are not a full time parent anymore. Most of the day time, we spend working or other activity outside. Our precious child at his/her golden year was left alone with babysitter. Even if we have the best babysitter (which is very rare), she will never give the enough stimulus for our child to develop to the fullest. They do not have enough knowledge to do that.

I’m not saying that every preschool and its teacher is a guarantee for a better stimulus. We have to choose the right preschool. There are many curriculum developed for early age children, there are many type of teacher. That’s our responsibility to choose which method that suit for our child and choose school that has great teacher with lots of love and passion in education.

Some people think that every child deserve their right for free play, he/she is not old enough to be constraint with school rules.. he/she can’t be a happy kid.

From the reading I’ve done,  I found that children actually loved a daily routine. If you found your child screaming, refuse to eat or take a shower, it’s probably he has not expected that activity before. It’s gonna be different if your family has a daily routine, where children know what to do next. They will be happy to do it.

Preschool has that routine. They even tell the children what to do next every times. So, it’s not right that school rules will make them unhappy, it’s the opposite true. They become more confident and become a disciplined child. I’m not saying that it will happen instantly, but it depends on the child himself. Some might happen all the sudden, some make take months.

So, is early education really work?  write your own opinion here..

Buat yang sudah menjadi ibu/ayah, pasti pernah bertanya, “gimana seh buat anak saya menurut”. Kita selalu memberikan yang terbaik untuk anak ini, tapi dia malah berteriak, menolak, sungguh sulit diatur!!  Sudah dibela-belain buat makanan tersehat dan terlezat, eh dia malah mengunci mulutnya, atau yang lebih parah lagi, kalau piringnya ditepak, atau malah dimuntahkan kembali.

Saya sendiri sempat hampir stress dengan hal ini. Mulai dari bayi, disaat kita sulit sekali menebak arti dari tangisannya yang tak kunjung selesai, padahal kita baru saja mau beristirahat. Lalu ketika dia mulai mengerti bahwa dirinya terpisah dari orang lain, dan mulai memiliki kehendak sendiri, dia menolak semua yang kita minta. Diminta makan, dia malah lari. Diminta jangan lari-lari, dia malah lari, loncat, sampai akhirnya jatuh. Diminta untuk tidur, dia menolak, menangis.

Sejuta masalah antara orang tua dan anaknya sebenernya bukan hal yang baru. Kalau kita bertanya ke orang tua kita, mereka pasti memiliki pengalaman yang sama sewaktu membesarkan kita. Jadi, apa yang salah?
Mungkin sudah saatnya ada pendidikan khusus untuk membesarkan anak. Pernahkah terpikir kalau untuk pengetahuan lain, kita punya pendidikannya. Bahasa, sains, ketrampilan masak, sampai ke hairdresser pun ada. Tapi mengapa pendidikan untuk membesarkan anak tidak ada?

Padahal, kebutuhan ini sangat besar, buktinya TV show seperti Nanny 911, Super nanny cukup mem-booming dan terkenal. Banyak orang tua menjadikan acara ini sebagai salah satu sarana untuk mendapat ilmu membesarkan anak. Tapi itu pun, cukup sulit untuk diterapkan dirumah kita masing-masing.

Atau ada yang berpikir, dulu orang tua kita juga ga belajar membesarkan anak. Buktinya kita bisa jadi orang yang sukses, bisa cari duit, bisa punya moral, dll. Nah, coba direnungkan kembali, apakah tantangan yang kita hadapai pada jaman kita kecil, sama dengan jaman anak kita? Apakah dulu kita semua informasi dapat diperoleh dengan koneksi internet dan keyword yang tepat?  Apakah dulu teknologi sudah semaju sekarang dimana hampir semua orang sudah punya HP atau bahkan mini CPU (PDA/smart phone). Apakah dulu lulusan S1 sebanyak sekarang, atau lulusan S2 sebanyak sekarang?

Pendidikan yang sama yang kita tempuh dulu, kalau dilalui oleh anak kita sekarang, tidak akan cukup untuk memberi bekal kepada mereka untuk bersaing di masa mereka. Kita tidak bisa memprediksi apa yang akan terjadi beberapa tahun kedepan. Segala sesuatu yang baru bermunculan setiap hari.. Dunia sudah berubah. Mendidik anak perlu cara yang berbeda pula..

Lalu, kalau dibilang, buktinya ada orang tua yang dapat mengatur anaknya dengan tanpa masalah.. walau dia tidak belajar apa-apa ttg mendidik anak. Sama seperti ketrampilan lainnya, ada orang yang memang berbakat, sehingga untuk ketrampilan tersebut, dia tidak membutuhkan pendidikan, bisa secara otodidak. Tapi sayangnya tidak semua orang memiliki kemampuan ini.

Coba bayangkan, bila semua orang tua yang pastinya tidak berpengalaman mendidik anak, melakukan trial and error dalam kehidupan anak mereka. Untuk yang percobaannya berhasil, anaknya akan berhasil pula, tapi bagaimana nasib dengan yang error??

Saya sendiri, merasa buta mengenai hal ini, mencoba mencari informasi dari berbagai media. Pertama langganan majalah parenting, subscribe ke web seperti babycenter, sampai melahap buku-buku dari self improvement, children development sampai ke buku nanny 911.

Saya cukup kaget, ternyata banyak sekali yang belum saya ketahui sebelumnya.. dan ternyata hasil pencarian saya malah berpengaruh terhadap perkembangan diri saya sendiri. Mulai dari emotional intelligence, yang menjadi dasar utk membentuk karakter/moral seseorang, kemampuan komunikasi yang menjadi dasar utk mengemukakan ide, pentingnya keseimbangan aktifitas otak kanan dan kiri yang menjadi hal wajib utk menjadi orang yang kreatif dan cerdas.

Belum lagi pengetahuan financial (yang sebelumnya saya tidak pernah diajarkan disekolah) dari buku rich dad poor dad. Atau mengenai pentingnya musik dan seni lainnya terhadap cara bekerja otak.  Perbedaan cara membesarkan anak laki-laku dgn anak perempuan. Secara biologis kedua gender ini memiliki perbedaan yang cukup significant dan ternyata membawa perbedaan yang cukup besar terhadap cara mereka belajar dan berkembang.

Dan yang menurut saya yang sangat menarik adalah ternyata semua orang memiliki passion yang berbeda-beda yang sudah dikaruniai oleh Tuhan. Dan bagaimana cara untuk bertemu dengan passion tersebut, dan mengapa kita sekarang semua sepertinya sibuk mencari passion kita sendiri.

Pencarian saya belum berakhir… semakin banyak membaca, semakin terasa banyak hal yang belum saya ketahui. Mungkin dengan adanya pendidikan mengenai membesarkan anak, proses pembelajaran ini dapat menjadi lebih cepat atau untuk yang tidak memiliki waktu karena sibuknya pekerjaan, mungkin kursus-kursus dapat memberikan basic knowledge.

Masa depan bangsa tergantung pada generasi masa depan.. anak-anak kitalah yang akan berkarya nantinya. anak yang masih imut yang berada dalam asuhan kita saat ini..

Setujukah anda?

Jumat, 29 May 09, saya bersama dengan suami untuk pertama kalinya menjalankan tugas sebagai orang tua murid utk mengambil raport:) rasanya aneh juga.. mengingat umur Fabian baru 2 tahun. Apalagi banyak yang bertanya “bagaimana raport Fab?” ternyata banyak juga yang peduli dengan Fab (padahal ini cuma karena saya gembar-gembor berita pengambilan rapor ini di kantor yah hehehe…) Dan jawabannya “nanti baca di blog gue yah! Panjang ceritanya”  sepanjang posting ini …( “) sekalian promosi blog..

Nah ini dia detail Raport pertama Fabian:

Kesan pertama tidak begitu baik, karena saya terlambat datang ke pertemuannya! Padahal sudah ngebut luar biasa dari kantor saya di jakarta timur..tapi memang yang namanya traffic di Jakarta, tidak bisa diduga!

Oya, sebelumnya, saya ceritain sedikit mekanismenya dulu. Parent conference di highscope menggunakan  sistem appointment, dimana setiap orang tua diminta untuk book salah satu hari dalam kurun waktu 3 minggu yang telah disediakan. Dalam 1 hari, ada 2 slot (utk 2 orang tua murid). Pada sesi tersebut,  orang tua akan bertemu dengan keempat guru yang mengajar anaknya secara private. Satu sesi berlangsung sekitar 30 s/d 45 menit. Untuk kasus saya.. hampir mencapai 60 menit ;p maklum .. mama yang cerewet..

Setelah sampai di ruangan kelas Fabian, saya dan suami duduk dibangku kecil imut yang biasanya dipakai anak-anak pada saat makan dan bermain. Salah satu guru, Miss Ii, menjelaskan bahwa Fabian belum mendapat raport yang lengkap karena dia baru sekolah selama 2 bulan. Jadi raportnya baru keluar di term selanjutnya Kecewa kan yah.. .. tapi jangan khawatir cerita tidak berakhir disini.. karena saya tidak langsung disuru pulang kok…

Seharusnya diraport yang lengkap ada penilaian apakah di masing-masing kriteria, Fabian termasuk memuaskan, average atau butuh pengembangan. Tapi karena masalah waktunya terlalu pendek tadi,  mereka belum dapat menilai hal ini, sehingga saya hanya mendapat bagian kedua dari rapornya.. yaitu penjelasan perkembangan anak selama periode sekolah.. ini sangat menarik loh.. (mungkin karena mamanya narsis yah , jadi seneng kalau anaknya dipuji2 hehehe..)

Saya disodorkan selembar kertas A2 yang berisi tabel dengan 6 kolom dan 5 baris. Di kertas ini, para guru secara bergantian menuliskan deskripsi hasil pengamatan mereka terhadap kegiatan yang dilakukan oleh Fabian disekolah (lengkap dgn tanggal pengamatan). Kolom dalam tabel tsb membagi deskripsi pengamatan kedalam 6 kriteria perkembangan. Bila dilihat baris per baris, kita dapat melihat perkembangan di masing-masing kriteria, sesuai dengan tanggal pengamatan.

Lalu Miss Ii mulai membahas perkriteria perkembangan Fabian.

Yang pertama adalah Sense of Self. Dalam kriteria ini, kemandirian anak menjadi fokus utama. Berhubung Fabian baru pertama kali sekolah tanpa ditemani orang yang dikenalnya, dalam hal ini, Fabian masih belum ok. Separation anxiety masih terjadi pada saat saya mengantarkannya ke sekolah di pagi hari. Tapi menurut gurunya sudah terjadi perkembangan, karena setelah “pemanasan”, dia akan “enjoy” sendiri dan mengikuti kegiatan teman-teman lainnya. Nah masalahnya “pemanasan” ini membutuhkan waktu, sehingga biasanya sekitar 1 jam sebelum pulang, Fabian baru terlihat sangat ceria dan hampir tidak bisa diam (alias berlarian kesana kemari).

Selain itu,  Fabian masih perlu ditemani oleh salah seorang gurunya sepanjang waktu, entah di gendong, dipangku atau sekedar di tuntun. Dan guru favoritnya adalah Miss Indri (yang beberapa hari lagi akan cuti married..ups..)Beberapa waktu terakhir, gurunya berusaha untuk membatasi waktu menemani Fabian, dan sepertinya sudah mulai berkurang sejalan dengan waktu. Begitu juga dengan kegiatan minum susunya.. harus ditemani, atau susunya tidak akan diminum

Yang kedua adalah Social Relations. Kalau dari usianya, memang anak berumur 2 tahun bermain secara paralel (tidak sharing mainan). Hal ini juga berlaku untuk Fabian, dia bisa bermain bersama-sama dengan temannya. Kalau mainannya diambil, dia menangis dan meminta bantuan gurunya. Dia juga belum mencari teman/menyapa ketika bertemu, alias masih cuek2 ajah..

Ketika saya bertanya apakah dia pernah memukul temannya, gurunya bilang kalau dia pernah, tapi frekuensinya sudah berkurang. Memang saya dan suami sedang berusaha menanamkan “memukul itu tidak boleh, karena orang yang dipukul akan sakit”

Yang ketiga Creative Representation. Fabian sepertinya sangat suka 2 area, yaitu household (dimana dia dapat pretending “masak-masakan”) dan toy (dimana dia dapat memainkan truk yang besar dan mobil-mobilan kecil). Area yang sangat kurang diminati adalah art area. Mungkin karena dirumah jarang di beri stimulus untuk mencoba painting. Padahal saya sudah membeli cat untuk handpainting, buku gambar besar, spidol warna, crayon, cat air plus kuasnya. Mungkin saya tidak menyimpan di mana dia bisa langsung menjangkaunya. (sebenernya ada kekhawatiran dia akan mencorat-coret ke mana-mana… hehehe)

Yang keempat movement. Untuk urusan yang satu ini, Fabian tidak ada masalah dalam perkembangannya. Malah lebih ke arah dia tidak bisa diam, alias berlari kesana kemari dengan pandangan yang kadang tidak ke depan. Alhasil dia pernah terjatuh di sekolah dan muncul benjol cukup  besar dikepalanya. Dia juga suka melempar bola, berloncat-loncat, jongkok, dll.

Yang kelima Communication and language. walau kosakatanya sudah cukup banyak, tapi pelafalannya masih kurang jelas. misal dia mengatakan “cus at” –utk “lihat suster”, atau “os hen” — utk ” wash hand”. Tapi sebenarnya dia sudah mengerti konsep komunikasi, contohnya pada saat kita memintanya untuk melakukan sesuatu, dia akan segera melakukannya. Begitu juga bila dia ingin sesuatu, lalu dijelaskan mengapa dia tidak dapat memperolehnya sekarang, Fabian akan berhenti menangis/merengek.

Di rumah, kami hanya menggunakan bahasa indonesia. Tapi berhubung disekolah, menggunakan bahasa inggris, alhasil dia berhasil mempelajari beberapa kosa kata bahasa inggris. ..lumayan lah yah..

Yang keenam Exploration and early logic. Untuk yang satu ini, dia sudah menunjukan early logic, misal setiap kali pipis di toilet, dia akan cuci tangannya. Atau pada saat mau pulang sekolah, dia akan bilang “miss, ganti baju”. Selain itu bila ditunjukkan gambar, dia bisa mengatakan objek apa yang terlihat misalnya dia akan katakan “moo” pada saat melihat gambar sapi, dll. Dia juga terkadang tertarik untuk membalik-balikan buku.

Pada saat gurunya bertanya, bagaimana kalau dirumah bu? saya share satu kejadian yang cukup mengejutkan saya dan suami. Pada satu sore dia mengatakan ” a..a..ta”. Saya bingung apa maksudnya, lalu bilang kepada “maaf Fab, mama ngak ngerti, Fab mau bilang apa?” Dia terlihat seperti berpikir sejenak sambil memainkan bola matanya kekiri dan kanan, kemudian berkata “ini bogor, ini a..a..ta”. Lalu suami saya langsung mengerti, bahwa dia ingin memberi tahu bahwa “ini Jakarta”. Amazing yah..

Begitulah ceritanya.. panjang kan yah.. semoga dapat memberi jawaban kepada teman-teman saya yang penasaran dgn raport anak umur 2 tahun..

Yesterday, I attend a parent seminar about bilingual education, conducted by TB Simatupang Highscope School. The speaker is one lovely couple Mr & Mrs Freeman.

I was one hour late because I can’t find way to go there..It was my first time. The school is quite big and have lots of green spaces. Children from  1 1/2 years up to high school age were mingle there.. it’s like memorizing my school time long time ago..

The seminar itself talk about the benefit of teaching bilingual education to a child. They claimed that bilingual education has 6 benefits (although I just get the last four ), including improve cognitive capability, more job opportunity, preserve culture, make the child more flexible in term of way of thinking.

The basic concept is that bilingual doesn’t means that the person will think in each language separately. There is only one basic concept inside the brain that relate the word “dog” with the an animal that has 4 legs, fur and able to bark, or how to calculate numbers. So if they learn other language, they don’t have to understand the difference of dog and cat, but they just have to know the vocabulary for word “dog”  and the vocabulary for each number in that language.

They have a very good analogy two ice berg that looks like separate in the surface, but its actually one below the sea. A person has an understanding of concept in their head, and language is only the channel to deliver it. Bilingual person has 2 channel to deliver their thought.

There is a research that said children that have bilingual capability, are better in solving puzzle. They get used to try alternate ways to solve a problem because their brain used to switch  in those two language.

However, there are several kind of bilingual, i.e. :

1. Subtractive : When the person learn the second language, he lose the first language.  This what happen in school that teach in English only. This one is actually a negative one.
2. Transition/bridge: usually happen in kindergarten that teach both english and Indonesian to make transition from Indonesian speaking to English speaking in the elementary school.
3. Late exit: this when they postpone the transition at higher level (for example until 6th grade). This also not really good, because the first language only develop until 6th grade level.
4. Addition :  this one maintain and develop both two language either speaking or reading/writing. They become bilingual and bi-literal This is the best one.

To understand the different of those 4 type, we should differentiate between social language and academic language:

1. Social language : conversation language is more spoken like. people who master social language is able to talk with other people in this language. The vocabulary is simple, daily used and not structure. Usually it takes two year for a person to develop social language.
2. Academic language : is used in academic institute and is more written like. the sentence has technical vocabulary, complex and has structure. Due to it’s complexity, it takes 4-7 years to develop academic language.

To make it clear the difference, they mention few examples in order from social language to academic language:

1. Casual
2. Text message
3. Academic discussion
4. Academic lecture
5. News paper/ article
6. Academic journal article

The goal of bilingual language is the fourth type where both language were developed up to academic language. The third and the second one only develop one language, while the other was stop in social language. While the first one is more extreme, the first language will be lost.

They also said that four type result will vary later than the third grade where they seem to be the same. on 9-11th grade children that teach with the first and second type will have worse result academically.

They also said that the stronger a child in the first language, the faster and better to learn the second language. This is why it’s important to master mother language. however, if you teach the second language simultaneously with mother language, it does not mean it will stop the development of the mother language itself. As long as you used the fourth method.

I guess that the basic concept that I get.. I also write down several questions answered in that event, i.e:

• Is it ok if we use a method where one parent use one language, while the other use the other one? (mom speak Indonesian and dad speak English to their child) It is going to confuse the child, because my son has speak delay (2years 8 month and he does not say any one word)? the therapist said that we should only used one language to the child to avoid confusion. ANSWER: It is not right that a child will be confused if they stimulate with different language, the truth is probably they just need time and exercise. Several children just do not confident to speak if they did not completely master the language. So you should not too worry, your child is still a little, give him some time and continue to speak bilingual to him.
• Whats the different between the first and the fourth method? ANSWER: The first one only teach the second language, while the first one is not continually developed. While the second one, develop both language at the same time so they can develop academic language in both language. The simple way is to read many books and talk in both language, make language fun for children, sing a song, etc.
• At what age that I should teach the second language because at 2 years old, a child has not master his first language. ANSWER: starting second language will not hold the development the 1st one. So you can start at time you feel comfortable.
• Should I teach language from grammar? ANSWER: teaching grammar is not improve reading nor listening. The concept is just read to the child, don’t force to teach grammar. But they start to ask how words are organized then we teach them grammar.
• If I want to teach my 2 years-old son to read, which language should I start with? the mother language or second? and is it possible to teach a toddler to read? ANSWER: The younger the better. You should read to a child even before his birth. That will increase his interest in reading. don’t teach read letter by letter, but just read the word. Make reading become a time full of love, that make child comfortable. Then, you should start with the mother language.. because it’s usually more comfortable for the parent as well.

Very interesting post from Parent Center web..

http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-to-raise-a-happy-child-ages-2-to-4_1492443.bc?showAll=true

I guess all parents want their child to be a happy child.. but how? This article has a very good point and clues..

Like any parent who wants the best for her children, Trish Bragg has done everything she can to make sure Isabel, Charlie, and Madeline are healthy, have plenty of stimulating activities to fill their day, and are loved unconditionally. Yet, like many, she struggles with parenting’s million-dollar question: Are my kids happy? “Among all my friends, that’s what we want to know,” Bragg says.
What makes children happy may surprise you. Child development experts who study the subject say that happiness isn’t something you can give a child like a prettily wrapped present. In fact, says Edward Hallowell, psychiatrist and author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness, over-indulged children — whether showered with toys or shielded from emotional discomfort — are more likely to grow into teenagers who are bored, cynical, and joyless. “The best predictors of happiness are internal, not external,” says Hallowell, who stresses the importance of helping kids develop a set of inner tools they can rely on throughout life.
The good news is you don’t have to be an expert in child psychology to impart the inner strength and wisdom it takes to weather life’s ups and downs. With patience and flexibility, any parent can lay the groundwork for a lifetime of happiness.

Learn to read the signs

When your child was a baby and toddler, you probably had a good sense of whether he was happy or sad. His face lit up in a huge smile when you came home, and he sobbed endlessly when the dog shredded his favorite blankie.
Now that he’s older, his emotions are more complex. But fortunately, his ability to control them is growing stronger. Still, the outward signs of whether he’s happy or unhappy aren’t hard to read. A happy child smiles, plays, shows curiosity, socializes with other children, and doesn’t need constant stimulation.
Conversely, says Hallowell, the signs of an unhappy child are clear: The child “is withdrawn, quiet, not eating very much, doesn’t spontaneously get involved with other children, doesn’t play, doesn’t ask questions, doesn’t laugh and smile, and has very spare speech.”
If you have a naturally shy or introverted child who doesn’t laugh or interact a lot, that doesn’t mean he’s unhappy. Shyness is not the same as sadness, but you’ll have to work harder to read his signs. Hallowell says to be aware of any major changes in his behavior — becoming more isolated or fearful — that might suggest he’s having problems you should pay attention to.
Paul C. Holinger, professor of psychiatry at Rush-Presbyterian-St. Luke’s Medical Center in Chicago, has identified nine inborn “signals” that babies use to communicate their feelings. You can recognize these signals in your preschooler also. Two of the signals, “interest” and “enjoyment,”, are positive feelings, while the negative signals, especially “distress,” “anger,” and “fear,” add up to an unhappy child.
Most parents recognize that a fearful, easily upset child isn’t a happy camper, but Holinger finds that many parents don’t recognize that an angry child is usually expressing sadness. No matter the age, “anger is simply excessive distress,” says Holinger. When your child hits his brother or yells “I hate you!” it means he’s distressed beyond his ability to deal with it.
Your child probably has his own ways of showing you when he’s going through a hard time. Some kids may withdraw, some may throw tantrums, and still others may become clingy. As you get to know your own child’s temperament, you’ll become better at learning the signs that something’s not right in his world. For more insights into your child’s natural temperament, check out our article, “Are children born happy?”

Make room for fun

If your preschooler took a minute to think about her happiest times, she would probably realize that what makes her happiest is you. And that’s the first key to creating a happy child says Hallowell. “Connect with them, play with them,” he advises. “If you’re having fun with them, they’re having fun. If you create what I call a ‘connected childhood,’ that is by far the best step to guarantee your child will be happy.”
Play creates joy, but play is also how your child develops skills essential to future happiness. Unstructured play allows her to discover what she loves to do — build cities out of blocks, teach counting to her stuffed animals — which can point her toward a career that will seem like a lifetime of play. Play doesn’t mean after-school lessons, organized sports, and other structured, “enriching” activities. Play is when children invent, create, and daydream.
Kim Orr of Atlanta says that when her youngest was born, the two older children had to drop some of their scheduled activities. “With more downtime,” says Orr, “they truly are happier within themselves. I see they’re able to manage the rest of their lives better, which breeds an inner happiness .”

Help them develop their talents

Hallowell’s prescription for creating lifelong happiness includes a surprising twist: Happy people are often those who have mastered a skill. For example, when your child practices catching a ball, he learns from his mistakes, he develops persistence and discipline, and then he experiences the joy of succeeding due to his own efforts.
He also reaps the reward of gaining recognition from others for his accomplishment. Most important, he discovers he has some control over his life: If he tries to do something, he has the satisfaction of finding that, with persistence, he can eventually do it. Research shows that this feeling of control through mastery is an important factor in determining adult happiness.
Hallowell warns that children, like adults, need to follow their own interests, or there’ll be no joy in their successes. Rebecca Marks of Cleveland Heights, Ohio, says that her 3-year-old son Zachary’s number one interest is construction. “He loves to build things and to help his dad build special projects. It makes him feel good about himself. We try to help him focus on what he has a natural talent for, where we can tell he’s really having fun.”

Healthy bodies, happy children

Lots of sleep, exercise, and a healthy diet are important to everyone’s well-being, especially children’s. For exercise, your child doesn’t need to be on a T-ball team: Just running around outside helps children with their moods. And pay attention to your child’s need for structure: While some children are very easygoing, most thrive and are happier with a set schedule that lets them know what’s coming.
You might also want to pay attention to any connection between your child’s mood and particular foods. Some parents find that while sugar can give their child an energy boost, it can also create mood swings or aggressive behavior. Food allergies and sensitivities may also play a role in your child’s behavior and mood.

Let them struggle with problems

But, you say, I’m supposed to be creating a happy child! Shouldn’t I swoop down and make everything better? In fact, Carrie Masia-Warner, a child psychologist and associate director of the Anxiety and Mood Disorders Institute at the New York University School of Medicine, sees this as a big mistake many loving, well-intentioned parents make.
“Parents try to make it better for their child all the time, to make them happy all the time. That’s not realistic. Don’t always jump in and try to fix it,” advises Masia-Warner. “Children need to learn to tolerate some distress, some unhappiness. Let them struggle, figure out things on their own, because it allows them to learn how to cope.”
Hallowell agrees that allowing children a range of experiences, even the difficult or frustrating ones, helps build the reservoir of inner strength that leads to happiness. Whether a child’s 7 months old and trying to crawl or 7 years old and struggling with subtraction, Hallowell tells parents, he’ll get better at dealing with adversity simply by grappling with it successfully again and again.
They learn that no matter what happens, they can find a solution. This doesn’t mean children shouldn’t ask for help if they need it, but your role is to help them find a solution, not provide it for them. Learning to deal with life’s inevitable frustrations and setbacks is critical to your child’s future happiness.

Check in with your child

The best advice on how to know if your child is happy is the simplest: Talk with him. Even more important, says Hallowell: Listen. “I ask my kids if they’re happy so often they roll their eyes,” he says. “It’s a way of checking in, of letting them know that I care.”
Masia-Warner agrees that open communication is essential in understanding your child’s moods. “For instance, say to your child, ‘You seem sad. Is there something you want to tell me, something that’s bothering you?’ Then, let him talk.” If your child brushes you off, try again the next day.
But Atlanta mom Orr warns that your child may let loose when you least expect it. “Like one time we were at the grocery store,” she says, “and all of a sudden my daughter was crying in the produce section about something that had happened at school earlier that week.”

Allow them to be sad or mad

When your child pouts in a corner during a birthday party, your natural reaction may be to say, “You should be having fun like everyone else!” But it’s important to allow her to be unhappy. Hallowell is concerned that “some parents worry any time their children suffer a little rejection, they don’t get invited to the birthday party, or they cry because they didn’t get what they wanted.”
Children need to know that it’s okay to be unhappy sometimes — it’s simply part of life. And if we try to squelch any unhappiness, we may be sending the message that it’s wrong to feel sad. We need to let them experience their feelings, including sadness.
You can encourage your child to label her feelings and express them verbally, which then helps her to regulate them. Don’t try to solve her problems for her. Instead, just listen and help her talk through her feelings.
Sharon Cohn of West Orange, New Jersey, believes it’s important for her 5-year-old daughter, Rebecca, to learn how to express her emotions rather than bottle them up inside. “She’ll say, ‘Mom, I’m very angry with you’ or ‘I’m so sad we couldn’t go here.’ I try to validate her feelings. I say, ‘I’m sorry you’re angry’ or ‘I’m sad also,’ and we talk about it.”
However, Masia-Warner warns, you shouldn’t overreact to your child’s negative feelings. “It’s normal for kids to become oversensitive or clingy or nervous at times because of something in their environment, but it’s not an unhappiness.”

Be a role model

According to Dora Wang, assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of New Mexico School of Medicine and mother of 3-year-old Zoe, research shows that you can pass on your temperament to your children — not necessarily through your genes, but through your own behavior and childrearing style. For better or worse, children pick up on their parents’ moods. Even young babies imitate their parents’ emotional style, which actually activates specific neural pathways.
In other words, when you smile, your child smiles and his brain becomes “wired” for smiling. But be genuine — your child will sense if you’re acting. If you make a point of enjoying small things and saying what you’re grateful for, you’ll be a positive role model for your child.
You can help your child see his glass as half full rather than half empty. For example, if the baseball game gets rained out, point out what a great chance it is to go see a matinee. Cohn tells her kids, “Be happy about what you have instead of being sad about what you don’t have.” A wonderful dinnertime ritual might be for each family member to say what the best part of the day was.
Peggy O’Leary of Montara, California, finds that when she’s highly stressed, her children react immediately. “They silence themselves, they cower.” One time when O’Leary was feeling low, her son August said, “Let’s play tag again, like when you were happy.” It made her realize how sensitive he was to her moods. She now makes an effort to show her children a more positive attitude.
But you don’t have to hide your negative emotions either. You can show your child that you’re upset about your best friend moving away, and if you follow up by talking about how you will keep in touch and how much fun it will be to visit her, you’ll be teaching your child that sadness is a part of life as well as showing him how to find the silver linings.
However, if you find yourself constantly stressed out or depressed, it’s important to seek help. “Parents who tend to be depressed are often not good at being consistent with their discipline and providing structure, or at providing consistent praise and having fun with their children. All of this can contribute to emotional problems,” says Masia-Warner.

Teach them to do meaningful things

Research shows that people who have meaning in their lives feel less depressed. New Jersey mom Cohn says that charity and helping others is a big part of their family life. Even young children can benefit from this lesson.
Cohn says that after her daughter Rebecca learned about Hurricane Katrina, she and her classmates collected school supplies and backpacks to donate to the kids who lost their belongings. Even helping out with simple household chores, such as taking the laundry out of the drier, can help your preschooler feel that she’s making a contribution.

Get help

If you’re concerned your child is going through a difficult period, try talking with her teacher and the parents of her friends to see what they’re observing. O’Leary says that her daughter Jean’s kindergarten year was very stressful for her. “I knew instantly from the look in Jean’s eye, and later from her tears, that she was overwhelmed,” says O’Leary. She talked to Jean’s teacher to find out what was happening in the classroom and to see how they could ease the transition for her.
Most of the time, kids are unhappy or upset due to something stressful in their environment: a fight with a friend, stress at school, or tension at home. But sometimes the source of their discontentment is more serious.
If you see persistent signs of unhappiness — anger, crying, aggression, constant complaining, frustration that’s easily provoked, frequent headaches or stomachaches, difficulty sleeping or eating — don’t hesitate to consult a mental health professional for an evaluation. Whether you go the route of a licensed therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist, make sure you choose someone who specializes in children. Take heart though: Masia-Warner says that depression in children is rare.

I can’t imagine how a child as little as elementary school can be taught Leadership principles. At least I didn’t get that kind of education when I was a child. Perhaps when I was entering my third job that I became aware of the importance of leadership and start to learn by experience.

Mr Covey explained that he himself was surprised by the result of A.B Comb did to their students. The principal of that school has choose Leadership as its magnet theme. They use 7 habits and Baldrige tools as the foundation. The result was amazing, the score test getting better, the number of students breaking rules reduced and the most important one is that the children there were prepared with the most important skill for their future.

I wish I can find that kind of school in Jakarta, but perhaps, it will start in another couple of years..I guess I have to start it in my own house.

To be honest, I have no idea how to do it. I’ll do some more research on it. Prepare the tools, learn how the leadership school did. I hope they explain it on their web

But the most important start is to learn and do the 7 habits myself. I guess I still have lots to learn and practice. I’m going to read that book again..

Setelah perjuangan 3 minggu lebih, akhirnya saya dan suami saya mulai melihat buah hasil perjuangan kami. Minggu pertama penuh perjuangan.. lalu minggu kedua hanya efektif 3 hari karena ada libur pemilu dan paskah.. Setiap hari Fabian mengamuk, teriak dan sering marah tanpa sebab.. Awal minggu ke tiga (hari setelah libur panjang) seperti hari pertama masuk sekolah.. Fabian teriak meronta-ronta ketika diantar ke sekolah.. di kelas dia menangis sekitar 1 jam..

Hari berlalu, saya tetap konsisten.. Setiap hari saya bujuk dia untuk sekolah. Layaknya saya berbicara dengan orang dewasa, saya menanyakan kepadanya mengapa dia harus takut ke sekolah. Karena pada saat hari pertama, ketika saya ada didalam kelas, dia begitu enjoy..saya tanyakan padanya “apa Fabian takut?”

“Kuk” katanya (kuk=takut) lalu saya menambahkan “karena didalam kelas tidak ada yang fabian kenal?” dia berkata “cus at” (= mau lihat suster). Saya berkata padanya Fabian takut ditinggal sus ya.. Susterkan tunggu Fabian diluar. Fabian tidak bisa lihat, tapi suster ada didepan. Kan setelah good bye song, Fab bisa pulang, nanti lihat cus.. Sus ada diluar..  Nanti Fab lihat ya,.. dimana suster tunggu. Fabian pasti bisa. Mama yakin Fabian berani. Kan di sekolah ada miss ii, miss indri, miss novi dan miss ari, semua sayang Fab.

Saya terus mengatakan padanya “Mama yakin Fabian bisa”, , “Fab pasti senang disekolah, ada mainan truk, doh, pasir, Fab mau main apa?” Saya ingat kata-kata Covey dibukunya bahwa ibunya adalah orang yang paling affirmatif dan supportive. Bahkan sampai di penghujung hidupnya dia masih mengatakan bahwa Covey pasti bisa, dan akan sukses. Saya berusaha menyemangati terus sambil mengajaknya berbicara dengan menatap matanya.

Di saat otak saya berpikir bahwa anak ini baru berumur 2 tahun dan tidak mengetahui apa-apa, tapi hati saya merasa bahwa dia sama seperti orang dewasa. Dia juga memiliki ketakutan, keberanian, kekuatan dan harapan. Hanya saja kemampuan utk mengemukakan pendapat/pikiran masih belum terasah.

Satu hal lagi yang ada dikepala saya adalah untuk menjaga konsistensi/rutinitas. Urutan kegiatan dipagi hari sebisa mungkin jangan diganti. Bangun tidur Fabian makan terlebih dahulu, lalu mandi dan pakai baju sekolah. Lalu diantar mama ke sekolah. Alhasil, saya terus-menerus terlambat masuk kantor Sampai di sekolah, saya mengantara dia ke play ground dan menyerahkan dia ke miss ii/indri lalu mengucapkan “mama kerja dulu ya, ntar abis good bye song fab di jemput sus”

Minggu ke empat dimulai, seperti biasa, hari senin adalah yang tersulit, karena sabtu dan minggu memiliki rutinitas yang berbeda. Sebenarnya sejak hari kamis minggu sebelumnya, Fab sudah mulai bisa bermain dikelas tanpa harus dipangku/ditemani oleh gurunya. Hari senin ini juga sama. Pada saat perpisahan dengan saya, dia menangis sekeras2 nya, tapi selanjutnya dia mulai bermain dengan bebasnya.. hal ini berlanjut ke hari selasa dan saya untuk pertama kalinya melihat dia bermain dengan senang nya melalui jendela sekolah, ketika saya cuti sakit setengah hari. Betapa bahagia melihatnya..

Hari Rabu adalah hari ulang tahun Fabian. Saya mengantarnya seperti biasa dan meninggalkannya. Jam 11 saya ke kelasnya karena ada perayaan kecil ulang tahunnya. Saya hanya melihat dari luar dan sangat terkejut, bagaimana fabian bisa begitu mandiri dan ceria didalam kelas. .Dia duduk didepan kelas dengan kue ulang tahun didepannya. Setelah menyanyikan lagu happy b’day, dia meniup lilin dengan PD nya.. lalu seperti permintaan dia “miss, tong kue”. Gurunya membagikan kue ke anak2 lainnya.. betapa lucunya melihat beberapa anak kecil dengan lahapnya memakan kue coklat sampai mulut dan dagunya penuh dengan remah coklat.

Kemajuan lain pun mulai terlihat.. di rumah dia suka sekali meminta papa/mamanya menyanyi dan mengikuti nyanyiannya. kosa katanya pun semakin bertambah..Dia terlihat lebih ceria..saya dan papanya merasa senang dan lega.. ternyata kita tidak membuat keputusan yang salah..

Hari ini.. saya melihat dia mulai tidak menangis ketika perpisahan dgn saya. Dia hanya terlihat sedih ketika digendong oleh miss Indri. Tapi tidak sampai meneteskan air mata.. begitu senangnya.. semoga tetap berlanjut ya..

Saya dan suami akhirnya memutuskan untuk memberikan Fabian kesempatan untuk belajar di sekolah 5 hari seminggu, 3.5 jam sehari di High scope kuningan. Bayangkan, anak seumur 23 bulan, harus setiap hari ke sekolah dan tinggal disana dari jam stg 9 sampai jam 12!! apakah dia akan bertahan ya?

Kalau dilihat pertimbangan saya ketika mengambil keputusan ini adalah

1. The younger the better learner he is. Saya tidak mau kehilangan kesempatan utk memperkuat daya pikir fabian. Dari beberapa buku yang saya baca belakangan ini, semua memberi penjelasan yang sama. Bahwa semua anak adalah adalah calon genius. Dan yang membedakan genius atau tidak adalah stimulasi yang diberikan oleh orang tua/pengasuh kepada anak dari umur 0 sampai 5 tahun. Bila saya perhatikan, bila saya bekerja, fabian hanya bersama susternya, dan hanya dapat mengamati  bagaimana mencuci piring, menyapu, memasak, membersihkan meja, memcuci baju, dan sedikit mainan lain seperti play doh dan mobil-mobilan. Saya tidak mengatakan bahwa suster saya salah, karena memang di tempat saya tidak ada pembantu, jadi dia sebenernya sudah luar biasa membantu saya. jadi memang seharusnya saya yang berkewajiban utk mendidik Fabian. Tapi karena waktu yang saya punya tidak banyak, mungkin sebaiknya Fabian mendapatkannya di sekolah.

2. Learn is not punishment, its a fun reward act. Saya berusaha memilih sekolah yang bukan mendikte anak dan memberi teori. Tapi yang membantu Fabian mengeksplorasi rasa ingin tahunya dan melatih dia berpikir analitis, dan memupuk rasa ingin belajarnya. Selain itu juga menanamkan rasa disiplin. Terus terang saya agak kerepotan dengan yang satu ini. Kapan harus keras dan kapan harus melihat situasi.
3. Socialize with other children. Selama ini, fabian hanya bertemu dengan keluarga dan orang dewasa. Dia tidak tahu bagaimana dunia anak diluar sana
4. belajar mandiri. selama ini Fabian harus ditemani 24 jam sehari. entah itu oleh suster, saya, papanya atau keluarga yang lain. Kami tidak berani membiarkan dia bermain sendiri. Dengan sekolah, seharusnya guru disana lebih terbiasa untuk melatih anak mandiri, tanpa mengurangi keamanannya.

Semoga ini menjadi keputusan yang paling baik yang pernah saya buat untuk masa depan fabian..

Sudah setahun setengah aku mencari info mengenai bagaimana cara mendidik anak yang benar agar anak memiliki bekal yang cukup untuk masa depannya. Dari beberapa literatur yang saya baca belakangan ini, semua mengatakan hal yang sama. Sekolah saja tidak cukup, tidak semua ketrampilan yang dibutuhkan untuk terjun ke dunia sesungguhnya diajarkan disekolah.

Kalau mengutip kata dari beberapa sumber, dunia telah berubah, teknologi berkembang pesat, marketing berubah bentuk, science menemukan hal-hal baru, tapi tidak demikian dengan pendidikan. Bidang yang satu ini tetap konstan dan tidak bergerak ke arah mana-mana, setidaknya di Indonesia. Sekolah yang memang mulai memikirkan perubahan, adalah sekolah yang bergelar ‘national plus’ atau sekolah international yang nota bene, sangat mahal dan sulit terjangkau oleh masyarakat indo pada umumnya.

Hal ini yang mendorong saya untuk memikirkan, sebenernya apa yang kurang dari pendidikan saat ini. beberapa hal mendasar yang saya temukan dari beberapa buku, yaitu:

1. Leadership — “the leader in me — Steven Covey”
2. Finance — “rich dad poor dad — Robert Kiyosaki”
3. Right brain exercise (story, play, draw, ets) — “the whole new mind” — Daniel H Pink
4. Presentation & communication — “Talk Inc”
5. Business sense
6. Writing or teach

Beberapa hal lain yang menurut saya mendasar dan merupakan syarat mutlak untuk mendapat pekerjaan di jaman saya adalah :

1. Problem solving
2. analytical thinking
3. logika
4. math & science
5. accounting
6. english, mandarin
7. Technology
8. how to get information
9. innovation

Beberapa tools yang dapat digunakan:

1. Mind map
2. 7 habits
3. Baldrige tools