This morning I felt failed.. Fail doing my job to teach manner and perseverance to my boy.
All this time, I thought if I quit my job, I spend whole day, I will be able to teach my children. It’s turned out to be harder than that. Time is not the only thing you need, neither knowledge about parenting. It need more than that.

My boy has turned 6 now.  His logic has been developed very significant. He can do the math very well. He claim to like that subject, he can read the clock, recognize pattern of number. But when it comes to reading and writing, he stops. he said he cant read and need extra effort to force him do the exercise either in reading or writing.

Similar things happen for everything that need his effort. He does not want to do the regular practice in music, or coloring or drawing. He torn his drawing because it looked worst than my drawing or did not similar with what he expected. He affraid to swim in the deeper pool, even when he has mastered swimming skill.

He just want to jump to the “good”result, without wanting to go through the process.

I’ve tried my best to encourage him to keep trying for those hard or difficult things. But he keep gave up at first try, or even before try. He start to be a grumpy little boy, start to grumble and upset if i force him to give it a try. I try different activity, but when he know that it was a writing exercise, he stop doing it and said that he cant do it.

This grumpy habbit continue to other activity. When he cant get the food he want, toys he want, he start be angry and start to yell. Any small things will get he upset and start act like a little boss.
I really hate this behavior. I start with calm voice, and now i become very iritating every time it happen. I think my patience is finished already, so does his father. We both become very easy to be angry to Fab. I guess we are in the state of mind that “if we kind to him, fab will act disrespectfully to us “.

I know this is not the right way to do it. Fab will copy the way we angry too. I felt sorry and regret everytime I angry at Fab, but I cant help it to not do it too.

That’s why I felt failure in this parenting..

But then I realized, I cant give up my baby. I have to find a way to cut this negative cycle anger.

First I make peace with myself. At least this step I have full control of it. I guess my anger is not solely caused by Fab behaviour. Less sleep, tired, and other things also contribute in my bad mood. With my netral emotion state, I can see better, hear better, think better and act better.

Next is to observe, analyzed, try and review….

Hopefully i will get the answer shortly.. Wish me luck.


One response to “Fail..

  1. You sound like a very good and caring mother. Fabian is so lucky to have a mother like you.

    I guess we do have something in common. We both over-analyze everything and stressed out easily when things don’t go on our ways. We also love comparing our children to others’ (the biggest sin of parenting) and we live by the rigid “milestones” that are set by “experts”

    The only advice I can give you is that stop looking up and try to look down for a while. There are many parents who have had it much worse than you. Parents of kids with down- syndrome, parents of kids with cerebral palsy, parents of severely autistic kids, parents of kids with physical disabilities. I have seen all of these, and I don’t think I can manage even one day living in their “shoes”. These parents should be given awards for their never ending love and patience.

    I know it sounds childish and unfair to compare our lives with those who seem to be not at par with our lives, but if we never do that, we will never have a sense of gratitude.

    Be grateful that Fabian is healthy and at least still listen to you and your husband at some aspects. Regarding his dislike of reading, one interesting point is that you said that Fabian studies in High Scope. I also have a friend whose son studies in High Scope and can’t read a word even though he is already 6 years old. I don’t know if this is just a coincidence or not but do they actually teach reading in High Scope?

    Anyway, all the best for you. I am sure in a few years time, you will look back at this post and laugh at it, because Fabian will be so grown up already that by then, you have other “new” problems to tackle.

    Do you happen to live in Medan too? If yes, then we, moms with too much worries, should support each other then, hehe.

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