The right pressure


Pressure to success, is it good or not?
I know some people who cant finish their work without a firm deadline and specific requirements. Those people either like the job so much so they continue adjust their work to reach perfection, or dont have sense of urgency so they delay things and work slowly. The famous writer, Ollie/@Salsabella, in her recently book write on how important to have goal/dream and set timefrime to reach that goal. Otherwise that dream will always be a dream and never happened.

On the otherside, I feel that my target of my life has burden my mind a lot. I know what I want to do, I set the timeframe, but the problem comes when I want to start the first step. My mind is freeze, I can’t think, I can’t get anything right. Everything I do seems to be not good enough, not the one that I want. Then, I get frustrated because the first timeline has passed and I start to think that it will not be completed in time. Then the pressure getting bigger and the cycle continue.

I think that is what happened to our child. Some parents do have specific target for their child. Able to walk at age 1, able to talk at age 2, able to read at the age 4, and so on. Sometime they dont realized that they have set the target, because it just pop up in their mind when they see other children at te same age has master those skills. It’s so natural for us to compare with the others. When they about to reach the target timeline and it was not even near the objective, parents will give more pressure by giving more lessons, tutorials and practices. Is it the right way to do it?

In the other hand, there are parents that don’t force their children to achieve any target and they just sit and relax. Some of them dont see that independent is a skill that need to be owned by their children. I saw lots of elementary students still being fed by babysitter. They believe it will be time that the children will get over it by themselve. God knows when..
After a long reflection, I found out that pressure and target is good but it need a right way to do it. Target is focus on result, while action is focus on process. Those two can not work together because it need different part of the brain. They seem to be contradict with each other but we must have them both. Target must be set, otherwise it will be just a continual process that never end. Process must be enjoyed, otherwise our mind will freeze and cant do anything good. So both skill must be train at different time.

Always start with target, like the 7habits says”Begin with the end in mind”. The clearer the objective, the better it will be. There will be long term objective and short term and the scope of those also may differ. After it was set, leave that in notes where we can see it when we need it.

Then, start the process. Forget a while about the target, just flow with the process so we can do the first step. It always hard to start especially when the objective is too high, but when we start, the process will roll by itself. At the first mile stone, stop the process and put on that “target” mind .

Time to review how it works. Is it getting close with the objective? If not, what is the problem? Is it the objective that too high, too low? Is it the way of conducting the process that does not work? Answer all question and new target was established. Then, start the process again and the cycle continue.

Both planning target and act the process need to be practice. If we just good at setting target, we can continue dreaming and if we just good at doing things we just be doer like a machine. The same principle in parenting, you should have target in your child education, but review it regularly. Observe what their strength and weakness. Adjust the target accordingly to the child condition. In area of his/her weakness, find a way of learning that catch his/her interest. That is the hard one to do.

One thing important that often missed is that we must alter the way of doing if it is seem not working. I tried to teach my boy reading and writing. The subject that was not in his blood. I keep doing it with the same way, and wonder why it did not have any progress? What a fool to expect something different with the same way of doing. Then I realized that I have to review regularly, which methods works and keep inventing new ones.

Hope this answer your question too..

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