Anger is the first enemy of parenting.


Anger.
All human have this emotion, to protect themselve whenever a “danger” situation is happened. Anger was designed to prepare human to either to attack/fight, to run/fly or to freeze. It realease the hormon that trigger blood to run faster so all the muscle are prepared to do actions in short time. When anger is raised, body is at the prime condition to hit, kick and all the violances it needed. Therefore, it somehow block the “logic”part of brain to work, and made human to act by instinct, not logic anymore.

Can you imagine how this emotion in modern era where a life-threat situation is rarely happened? Anger still do the same thing, it prepare human to war. But with who? With the person around them, their collegue, partner, bos, neighbor, spouse especially their children.

Why?
A child is born with hundred thousand nueron cell in his brain in “un-wired” condition. The brain was designed to learn and absorb anything it see, feel, hear and sense. Just like a scientist who do his experiment, he explore the world. It is always the case that a child will try everything, including the one that his parents told not to do, and see what the result is.

In the other side, parents want to protect their child from danger. They want to teach him to not fall into the same mistake they did previously by telling him what to do. That protection can range from small things like falling from running, what to eat and not, to a life-decision things like choosing college or university. It is always the case that parents will protect their children because they love them so much.

When the two meet, anger will attack the parents.

The child will try everything, no matter what the parents said. The parents will get upset, because they feel not listened, and they will be the one who will need to help whenever a consequence happened to their child.

“see, I told you not to….., this is exactly why I told you to…”
“how many times did I told you not to….”
“You naughty boy! You never listen to what I said..”
“I told you not to… Because………

It’s a common statement of parent when they angry to their child. Angry will be the default emotion a parent has, if the child is a very persistence and keep trying to do what his parent told not to do. A single act will make parents anger explode and block their logic.

That anger will make parents ready to attack their children and drive them to be agressive. Things will get worst when the child try to defend his opinion, then his parents’anger will peak and ready  hit or slap the child. Although some parents do can hold themselve not to hit, they still attack with negatives words, threat, bad labelling, lies.  Anger do show the worst part of human.

Then what will happen to the child?

He absorbs everything. He looked at how his parents behave and copy. If he was below the age of 7, that habit will become his character, his default subconcious act that is really hard to changed.
The family will be full of anger and the cycle will continue, until someone cut the pattern. Obviously, only the adult one who are capable to do that.

I know that it is easy to say it, but hard to do. Even when I know that anger is not do any good, I keep doing it to my children. When they fight each other, I threat them with nasty things just to make them stop. What a shame., I just making my children to be a coward by doing it. But I just do not know what else to do.

I guess that’s why anger is the first enemy of parenting. All of us need to reminding each other and keep trying to control our anger. We also need parenting skill to help us act different approach than we used to do, so we will not feel hopeless like I do.

Hopefully, our children will be a better person than us.

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