This morning, I was furious about “the incident” involving my five years old daughter who was late 5 minutes from the “agreed” time, and his father. “We’ve agreed to be ready at 7.30 in the morning, or you don’t need to go to school ever. I asked for 7.30, not 7.31 or 7.35. Is that hard to do?” said father. On the other end, Rena said “Pa, I’m sorry. I want to go to school”.
At that time, I was thinking… for God sake, the child is only 5 min late. She said sorry, and she was preparing by herself. Plus, I believe we still have time to deliver her before her school begin. Just stop the argument and lets go.
His father is firmly holding his principle about “on time” habit which he and I believe to be important to be taught for our children. I admit this is just one incident among many “late incident” in the morning. So he is doing the “bad cop” role to make this habit stop.
While I was looking in the whole context. The children keep getting better in preparing themselves and getting faster too. But sometimes, they just slipped and passed the time limit. And yesterday was a tough day for Rena as she has a field trip, then extended activity after school and a Kumon session.
So, we as parent, are facing with this situation everyday, whether to hold on our discipline or just let it go (with a strong reason of course). I usually quite firm with the discipline part, but today I see the other perspective. I really don’t like to be yelled and I don’t care of what my husband intention is with that anger.
As I see in the child perspective, when the parent is angry, I don’t like it. I only focus on the anger then I angry too at his/her anger. Maybe this method can make her stop of being late or do what ever we want them to do. But the only reason is to avoid the anger or because my dad/mom said so. The child will not internalized the reason, the process and surely she/he will not do it in different situation.
Perhaps, it is better to find a better way to deliver the consequences rather than angry. Or perhaps, just do the consequence without any comment or talk. Then at different time, we can talk about it without any emotion involved.
Hmmm I know.. it’s hard to do!!! Let see if I can do it…