A year ago, I meet an “enlightened” speaker at my children school’s Parent Workshop session. The topic was “compassionate parenting”. The moment I saw this man started to talk, I feel a positive energy flowing and somehow what he said seems to be right to me. I usually can not believe in anyone at the first meeting (that’s why sometimes it is useless to take a seminar or course coz what I’ve try to do is to proof the speaker wrong)
One of his teaching that I think is so true is that parenting is not about teaching your child how to live in this world, but it is teaching yourself (parent) how to live in this world. Children is a very very good copycat. What they do is actually what they see in you (parent). So it is just like a mirror to the parents. He also said that what (attitude/habit) you do not like from other people (especially those who are closed to you like spouse, children, friend, colleague) is actually what you do.
So if the parent realized this, then she/he has to change her/himself first, then they can expect their child to change too.
It took a lot of time for me to understand this, but now it is truly clear. I stopped yelling at my boy to stop his grumpy attitude or stop being pessimist, I start to look at myself. Do I grumpy and pessimist myself? It turn out, that I had never analyze my own attitude before. I never realized how grumpy and pessimist I am, and I did it unconsciously. Oh my…
One other the thing that I remembered from what he said was ” Happiness is not from outside, it only accessible if we can look for it inside”. I know that money can not buy happiness, but it is also true that lots of money surely raise the possibility to be happy :p At that time, I thought I just have to be more thankful for what I had, so I can choose to be happy. But truly, I still had that gloomy feeling and not truly happy all the time.
Life is funny, I then stumble upon a book “The New Earth” by Erchart Tolle. As I read it, I begin to understand how to find happiness inside. My great ” logic” that I was so proud of, turn out to be able to work by itself and create the need for identification. This need for identification is the cause of unhappiness and cut the way for happiness to go out from inside. This is the first time I understand Ego and luckily that book also tell me how to deal with it.
It is true that we can not fight “ego”. The more we fight, we actually feed it with fuel. We just need to realized that we have ego in our head, and the moment we realized, It cannot control your mind. It is also true when you deal with other people that were controlled by their ego. Fight them is actually fuel their ego, so it is wiser to accept and realize that they are not who they are. It just their ego in control. Sound so crazy huh??
Well, I am still trying to fully understand that. Hopefully, I can defeated my own ego and find happiness and peace. I starting to know how there is no coincidence in this world. God has the master great plan in hand. I just need to accept it..