I had read a lot of parenting books. Most of them had the convincing proof that their way is the best way to raise a child. Though I found it is very hard to applied all those theories in daily life.
The more I read and the more I tried to make my parenting better, I was faced with new and more challenging problems.
I even think, is it possible that those parenting knowledge is useless? It does little or none effect to my children.
Then, a friend of mine said that it is true. she had read in one of her books that the way we live ourlife life is more Likely to affecting the child (Brene Brown). Then, why bother to learn parenting.
Some how it does not sound true. I believe good parenting does make a lot of differences in a child future. But which one is “good” parenting style?
I guess, there is no silver bullet in parenting. We are dealing with human development. It should be organic, rather than procedural. Just like gardening, the same seed, the same procedure, could grown differently. There are too many factors that involved, culture, social economy, school curicullum, no of children, parent’s education, etc.
What Brene brown said made me realized that parenting is not only a child development. It’s both parent and child development.
When fabian reach his 6, I was so surprised with the fact how similar he is with me and my husband. All those early years,turn out to be the moment he capture his entire environment and record them in his subconscious mind.
I then realized, that my son is a mirror of me. When I see a bad behaviour in him, I see it in myself. If I want him to change it, I have to change myself first.
It’s like having an assessment tool for your own personal development. If you manage to make yourself better, you can see it through your child. He/ she will replicate what you did and how you can develop yourself.
For me sometimes, by describing what I’m trying to do to my son, I remind myself to not do the same mistakes and guide my son to understand the process i’ve tried.
For example, I get upset easily when things run not as I planned. I used to explode with anger and sometimes do stupid things. This bad habit has been reduced since I learn emotion intelligence, but it’s really hard to be eliminated.
Now my son has similar attitude, he explode with anger easily. I now explaining emotional intelligence to him. It does improve his attitude. I guess I have to applied it to myself more often, so he can copy it.
I really think that raising a child is really the best way to make someone more mature.