Fear is the second enemy of parenting -part 2 (comparing)


I dont know if it’s just me, but It’s always drive me crazy when I saw other kid at the same age with Fab, can do certain skill that Fab has not mastered yet. The worst when it come with reading and writing, the most unappealling skill for Fab. Even a 4 years old daugther of my friend has mastered it from her school activities, while I’ve tried everything for Fab until now at his 6th. Montessorri ways, flash card, labelling our things at home, mix reading with physical activities, extralesson on reading and all other ways that I can think of or read. It’s useless, I can not make reading a fun thing to be learned and I really don’t want to force him to do it because it can kill his interest for reading. He will hate reading and that is the last thing I want to be happened.

It is not happened only with reading, parents do compare their child for how he talk, behave, draw, and everything else. Maybe it is our nature to see the weakness of our child, and focus on it. So when we see other can do it, we can spot it easily and we afraid that we have done something wrong. We rarely gave compliment for other skills that he has mastered because we take it for granted.
To make it worst, parents gave label to their child. Oh, he is stupid, he cant do even simple addition. He is such a loser. He cant draw. He cant sing. He is a rude boy. He is shy. All those label are actually make him to be exactly as it said.

The parent’s fear has killed kid’s confidence. The child will think that there is nothing that he can do good. He sees himself as a failure who just does not have anything to be proud of. Fear also made us forget that every child develops differently, because he is unique. He has one thing that he do best, that others can not.

Futhermore, Fear has made the world to create a race for children to learn things. Children was given lesson as early as possible. Even a 2 years old kid was taught academic material that used to be taught for 6yo.

FEAR has changed the education completely.
1.It kill children curiousity by not let them explore the world because we afraid it will hurt them. (sadly, curiosity is the root of learning)
2. It stop children from doing thing they interest in because they need to learn academic as soon as possible (we kill their passion at their young age)
3. It focus on their weakness rather their strength (more lesson more practice on what child can not do)
4. It raised children to be afraid of failure rather than learn from it.

Let’s brake this fear cirle. Praise for child’s success with detailed compliment. Encourage child with his weaknesses and helped him to find the missing skills. Let them do what they are best at Playing.

I know it is hard to do. I am still in fear by the fact that he is still unable to read now. I am trying to fill my mind to focus on his strength at math, rather worry on his reading. I observing his learning method and looking for his missing skills. Hopefully I can be more brave.

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